A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So i recently broke up with my boyfriend who i was dating for 2 years. I am really worried because even though we are not together anymore, he keeps sending me messages and calling me in the middle of the night. I think he is a nice guy but he really creeps me out these days, and he is stalking me. I told him we could still be friends but he still won't leave me alone. what should i do?
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female
reader, Eilish  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 Block his number so the calls will stop. If he continues to harrass you in any way, then get the police involved. He might be finding it hard to deal with the break up of this relationship, but his obsessive behaviour isn't fair on you. I had an ex like this once, I blocked his number and threatened him with the police, as this is a bad sign.xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): I think the answer from the anonymous male reader, 11 March is excellent.It takes a balanced view. Don't immediately jump to the conclusion that you've got some deranged guy stalking you. You had a relationship with him for two years and perhaps he is finding it really hard to move on.You don't say how long ago you two broke up? Is it a fairly recent thing, or has he been trying to maintain contact for a long time? Did he give you any cause for concern as regards being controlling or abusive while you two were together? Are you actually afraid of him, or just annoyed by his continual contact?Take all of these things into account.Having said that, phone calls in the middle of the night are unacceptable and, I imagine at times, alarming.Should he not respect the very clear message you give him that the relationship is over and you want no more contact, then perhaps you need to follow a more official route.Hope it works out for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): Speaking as a guy who has done something similar, I can safely say that "stalking" is probably a harsh word to use in this case. When a relationship ends quietly (no massive argument of some sort) it's difficult for some people to accept that things are well and truly over.
It's even more difficult to accept when you hear something like "let's just be friends". When a confused guy hears that, he convinces himself that this girl wants him in her life but he needs to double his efforts to prove that he loves her. In your case, he's contacting you in any way that he can.
My suggestion is that you bite the bullet and tell him there is no hope of reconciliation. Then tell him if he continues to send messages and make phone calls at odd hours, you'll cut off all contact with him. If he agrees, then breaks his word, you must follow through and block his phone number, email address, Facebook, etc. Make she neither one of you can get in contact with each other.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 Ask him to stop contacting you in anyway, in a dated, signed letter from you. A letter you post to him. Be very emphatic. Be assertive. Mean what you are saying. Do not apologise. Tell him to stop because it is hurtful behavior towards you. Speak to the post office about the need for him to sign for the letter, to prove he received it. You have to fill out some extra form to send a 'signed for' letter. Do NOT hand deliver it.
Keep a copy of the dated letter along with the signed slip returned to you from the post office, to show that he received the letter.
Once you know he has received the 'stop' letter I hope the stalking stops.
But the stalking may continue.
Stalking is unacceptable.
And you need protection from any stalker.
If the stalking then continues then any stalking behavior AFTER he has received the above letter needs to be recorded. Not forever, just as long as you have at least five or more instances. Especially good if he does the same action more than three times (eg late night phone calls)
Document the date, time, place, action he takes, words he says, and how it makes you feel EVERY time he has done it. Even photograph him, if the contact is in person. If required your phone carrier company may be able to give you evidence of how many calls you received and the date and time of said calls.
print out emails. Keep the text etc.
If you can write it all out factually, in chronological order in affidavit form then all the better
Then armed with (copies not originals) of all this evidence, plus take two identical typed out Affidavits - visit the Police. Sign the two Affidavits at the Police station, in front of the police. Give the police one of the signed Affidavits.
The police may be happy with just the Affidavit, but they may want the other items (copies only)
Ask the police what can be done to stop
the stalking?
Stalking is serious so I would b surprised if they said no.
If the Police say no, then go to Legal Aid - with the Affidavit and other evidence of stalking.
With good luck you will not have to take things to the nth degree. And he may stop when he gets your first letter above.
With fingers crossed, take care
Regards
Abella
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