A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:I am the mother of a very attractive, smart, outgoing 17 year old. She has alot going for her. She has been dating a guy for two years (they started seeing each other in high school) they are two grades apart but only a year and a few months age wise. He is a nice enough guy sometimes but my problem is that he is very controlling (tells her what she can/cant wear and is jealous of other guys but only yells at her when no one else is around). Those are only a few of the issues I will mention. He has gone off to college and only calls once a week, hasn't come home to see her after promising on several occasions and tells her he is just to busy. I swear he has her brain washed, no matter what he tells her she makes excuses why it is ok that he treats her like crap. It was their two year anniversary and she got a 15 minute phone call. She tells me how great her friends boyfriends are why does she stay with him? IT MAKES ME CRAZY!!!!!!
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (15 September 2007):
 She is still a minor, and you have every right to step in here. Also, why did you wait until they had been dating 2 years? I have to ask if she learned how to let a man treat her by watching your relationships? If so, it might be time for both of you to learn new ways together.-Frank B Kermit
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007): It does sound bad that he's telling her what to wear! but your daughter old enough to know what she wants, if I was you yes I'd be VERY worried, but what I'm wondering is why she wants to date a guy like this? have you raised her to accept such treatment like this? Anyway, you got to leave her too it. Weak woman your daughter is!
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A
male
reader, Rollo Tomassi +, writes (14 September 2007):
We only chase what runs away from us. This guy is able to dictate terms to your daughter not because he's brainwashed her, but because she's established his own attention as being something she puts a very high value on. If he's in college now that puts him at about 18-19? This too affirms self-worth for her in that she gets social proof from her peers for having a relationship (such as it is) with a guy in college while she's in high school. What you see as controlling is really insecurity for him. He's not confident - nor mature - enough to know that he could be even more locked in with your daughter were he to simply let go of this possessiveness. If your daughter is as attractive as you say, this is what's prompting this. He hasn't learned that he cannot truly control the actions of others.
Your daughter, like most women, get off on being treated like crap. However, it's not the treatment that's the issue, but rather the delivery that makes it attractive. Nice Guy's attentions are a given, and all too available. Their attention is far too easy to get and these days, overwhelmingly common. Women will tolerate the Jerk, because his attention by definition needs to be merited, earned and achieved constantly. His attention is something women will compete for and is therefore valuable. This is particularly true for very attractive women since they command far more attention from 'lesser' Nice Guys. She is used to having boys automatically qualify themselves for her attention (and hopefully intimacy and/or sexuality), whereas the Jerk becomes the prize because she is put into the position of having to qualify her ownself (something she's unprepared for) for his attention.
Also, if he's just started college, he most likely IS very busy. This is a very turbulent transitionary stage for young adults. He's just beginning to discover college girls his own age and wants to explore this aspect of his new life.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (14 September 2007):
Does she have good self-esteem? Does she do well in school? Is she proud of her accomplishments or does she always find fault with herself? Does she think she doesn't deserve better from a boyfriend? How does her boyfriend do in school? What are his goals? Finally, this is her problem to solve. If you think she can't handle the situation, you may be part of her problem.
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A
male
reader, Chris060690 +, writes (14 September 2007):
well i am 17 years old and i have a girlfriend which is 1 year and some months apart we have been together for abour 3 months and its a really nice relationship i am very jealousy to be honest and i dont do it in front of her mom or brothers or friends because i find it someting pryvate and dont wanna sound stupid or like super jealous i sometimes think shes gonna get tired of it but ive tried breaking up with her and she refuses i think u should let them handle the situations and whatever they wanto do if you try fixing stuff shes gonna get mad at you you should just give her once your point of view in a nice way and dont forget to tell her thats what u think but she knows what she does!!!
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