A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Our daughter of 18-21yrs recently went to Australia to stay with a cousin of mine, he is a man in his 30's and a devoted Christian (he even took her to church). My husband and I were worried about her going as she has had what seemed to be a late teenage rebellion over the last couple of years when she went from being the perfect 17 yr old to someone we didn't recognise, she got involved with the wrong crowd and left home to live with a convicted drug dealer. After two years off hell she finally seemed to see sense and came back home and got herself a good job. However this cousin had come to stay with us for Christmas three years earlier and we were concerned because he seemed too interested in our daughter for our liking. Luckily at the time our daughrer had a gorgeous boyfriend so didn't respond to my cousins cheeky, flirty texts. She even showed us and we stressed to her that they were inappropriate he seemed to try to compete and outdo her boyfriend. We never say anything to my cousin as we didn't want to start off any family problems and he was going back to other side of the world.Our daughter booked this trip away behind our back and when she told us we stressed our concerns (about how my cousin appeared too interested) she acted like we were mad and it was nothing like that even accused me of being weird for suggesting it.My cousin then got in touch saying our daughter had confessed to him that she was coming against our wishes and was there anything he could do to put our minds at rest. I stressed how i felt and that his texts and interest while staying with us three years ago was inappropriate he apologised and claimed that it was the drink but not to worry as he didn't drink and he had just got carried away with flirting and nothing would happen and he understood our concerns about our daughters vulnerability because of what she'd been through during the last couple of years. I also stressed that other family members had got involved during the time that she had left home and that it had caused a massive void in the family and i didn't want the same to happen with family on the other side of the world.Though we weren't happy about her going and despite my cousins reassurance i had a bad feeling about it but although not always acting like a rational adult our daughter is of an age where we could do little about it.Now my worst fears have come true.My cousin who claimed that he was too busy to spend much time with her on trip and she would be staying with his mum and sisters seems to have managed to be with her 24/7. During the last weekend he got her drunk, seduced her and had sex with her. She is not on the pill and had to go to an abortion clinic to get morning after pill. He is trying to play it all down to her saying he was sorry and knows she didn't want it to happen, said it is his own personal weakness and that noone is perfect, he even uses the Christian term by telling her 'remember all Saints are sinners that didn't give up' and he tells her not to tell anyone saying they are both adult enough to deal with it and hopes they can still be friends.How do I deal with it?I am so disappointed with my daughter but I knew she was vulnerable, looking for attention, I could see this happening and i feel so upset that I couldn't stop it.I am so angry with my cousin especially as he knew what the whole family had been through and how vulnerable she was. He even sent me an email saying 'I can see why you are concerned about her, she isn't in the best headspace right now but don't worry we will take good care of her' a day or two before he seduced her, what was he thinking and how did he think any of this would benefit any of the family. I don't want him having anything to do with our daughter or any of our children. He talks to them on private facebook inbox. I trusted him and can't believe what he has done. I am numb. My husband wants to kill him.
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female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (20 December 2010):
 Cerberus - Great answer, i completely agree!! You had your concerns in the first place, but you decided to trust him anyway and he let you down BIG TIME!!!! I would want to do everything in my power to destroy him socially. Please talk to your daughter and tell her that she is worth more than this. Tell her that you're not angry at her, and that she will always have a home with you.
What a scumbag, I can't believe that people like him actually exist in this world...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): Being a rape victim myself, I think you should bring your daughter back as soon as possible and talk to her. Cut off your cousin from contacting your children immediately. Maybe put your daughter into therapy or a psych ward - focus on getting your family better and helping your daughter heal before dealing with, as previously mentioned, this "shitface".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): You know if I were husband I'd buy a plane ticket and a baseball bat I seriously would. But I can't advise you to do that because it's illegal so don't do it.
Your cousin is scum of the earth and what's worse is he's the type of guy that uses his Christianity to excuse his behaviour. I seriously hate scum that do that. I have a lot of respect for Christians and their beliefs but not the ones that use it to excuse horrible behaviour, especially using "weakness and temptation" to cover their sins.
If I was Christian then I would be very angry at guys like these for giving my beliefs a bad name.
You need to bring your daughter home, she's obviously not capable of taking care of herself at all, okay she's gone off the rails and there have been many problems but she's in place now where you can't help her if something goes wrong there she's screwed and the only person there that she can get help from her basically used her emotional state to take advantage of her, it's basically one tiny step below rape.
Have you spoken to his mother and sisters yet?
You have to make sure he has no more contact with her.
Don't blame yourself for this, you know there was nothing you could do but it's time to act now.
This shitface must have nothing to do with your family ever again. You have to go to war with this prick and you have to destroy him. Seriously this guy doesn't get to do this and get away with it.
So you block all contact he has with anyone in your family, he is to have no contact with anyone. I'd also consider telling everyone that will listen what he has done, but only if it won't have a negative impact on your daughter.
Now if your family over there can't protect her from him or won't then you need to bring her back home.
You need to talk to all your kids and get them to block him on facebook, you need to cut this guy off completely and your husband needs to call this cousin and have a nice friendly conversation about the consequences would he ever speak to your daughter again. Even once, then he will get the next flight over and there will be hell to pay.
You need to email this guy yourself, call him, get other family members to call him, seriously warn this guy to back off and no compromise either, he is never welcome over in your part of the world again and if he turns up he's going to get hell.
This is just me but I would go about legally ruining his life, it would be my mission in life. I would find out what church, church groups he's a part of and I'd contact them all and tell them what he did. I'd tell his local pastor that he's a sexual deviant, I'd contact his job, I'd contact everything I could find that this guy is a part of and I'd tell them all what kind of guy he is and I'd do it just within the confines of the law. In fact you would be doing the right thing by warning people that this guy sexually abused his own cousin because that's essentially what he did.
The guy is a complete sleaze and a pervert. It's time you made him pay, make sure you do it within the confines of the law though, it is illegal to harass someone but warning people that they have a sexual deviant in their midst that has no problem taking advantage of young girls even family members is your Christian duty to report he cannot be allowed to get another victim.
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