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age
51-59,
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writes: hi all, I have been on my own with my daughter since she was 6 months old and in that time i have never introduced her to any potential partners, i have chosen to stay single. my daughter is 18 years old next month and also has a boyfriend of nearly a year. i have met someone and we both like each other, i have not introduced her to him but she has come home when he has been here, except we have been in my bedroom.she thinks i am being inconsiderate, however i feel that i have protected her a long time and now i have met someone i like and feel she is old enough to understand i can have feelings for someone and i am enjoying the fun of being in a relationship.should i not have him stay over? he has moved back from living in london and is living with his parents so that is not an option...
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you aunt honesty:)
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 May 2017):
 Honestly you are entitled to live your own life now she is an adult. Have them both together for dinner so she can spend some time getting to know him. Maybe even invite her boyfriend. She is going to find it strange as she has always had you to herself so it may take her a while to adapt. But don't hide him or her. You should be out enjoying life and dating so good luck and I hope it works out for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno i didn't, we were in the bedroom once and the next time he was sat on the sofa and i introduced them. it is all sorted out now, i have spoken to my daughter properly about it. but thank you all for your advice
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2017): The problem here is very simply that you did hole him up in your bedroom many times without her ever seeing him or being introduced ( until now, weeks later). I thinl that is incredibly disrespectful to do. It is fine you have him over, but you should have had him get dressed and come out to say hi right from the start. Hiding him from her is actually approaching a weird behaviour. Its good they finally met. But I think you owe your daughter an apology for holing up in the bedroom like 2 lovestruck teenagers hiding out. Not mTure or appropriate.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2017): Just remind your daughter you love her and will always find time for her but you deserve happiness. ...she just jealous your daughter would not want you to be alone forever ....your allowed to be happy ... have fun. .. but maybe when your daughter is about keep out of the bedroom .... it could be yukky to her to see you and your bloke leaving the bedroom in a romantic click. ...
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am absolutely certain he lives with his parents at the moment, I have dropped him off there and I don't believe he has any reason to lie at all. he isn't messing me around and I have had him stay over when she stays at her boyfriend, he has just stayed over and it just didn't feel the right time to introduce him in the morning. she has met him, we was sat in the living room the other evening and i introduced him to her. she is labelling it as 'grotty' but it's not, we watch movies, talk a lot, have a glass or two of wine and he stays over, it's not like we are holing ourselves up in my bedroom
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female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (26 May 2017):
 Another thought - have you considered that she could be worried about YOU?
My mother lost all her senses and had a fling with a man who only wanted her for sex. She fell for his charms hook line and sinker, believed everything he told her and couldn't see that he was playing on her desperation for love and affection. If I voiced any concern or worry, I was treated like the bad guy, because obviously he could do no wrong and I was just being a petulant child and didn't know anything. When he turned up wearing a wedding ring, having got married, but still wanting to carry on the sex with her, she finally realised she had been duped.
Are you sure this man "lives with his parents"? Or is it a cover so you can't go back to his place.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe does have her boyfriend stay over and as he lives with his parents the option simply isn't there to go to his. We know an introduction would have been nice, but to be fair he has come over only when she is at her boyfriends and as we are just getting to know each other we didn't see any harm...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2017): I agree with you. Your daughter has no say in your relationship status, and is old enough to be polite in her dealings with your new boyfriend.
It is fine for you to start enjoying your life again. You raised her and she is now an adult with her own relationship, she should not begrudge you yours. It is your home, your rules.
Be consistent and firm with her when you let her know she does not get an opinion on who and when you get to date again. She will eventually get over her anxiety about this new development in your life. Show her you are happy and enjoy your new relationship!
Best of luck. R
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (25 May 2017):
I have been in a similar situation to your daughter, so I can understand it from her point of view.
I do have a few questions for you though:
How long have you known this man? How long have you been dating and how many times have you actually been out with him?
You said "i have not introduced her to him but she has come home when he has been here, except we have been in my bedroom"
Do you not think this was a tiny bit inconsiderate? She is almost 18, so not naive about what grown ups do in bedrooms.
Now, imagine this was your daughter, she had a man you had never met, in her bedroom but didn't give you the coutsey of an introduction? I imagine you probably wouldn't be too happy. It is quite rude in many ways, especially with the fact you do not know this man that well, and you would be exposing your daughter to a complete stranger in her own home.
Do you have to listen to her and her boyfriend have sex?
What kind of rules do you have in place about her and her boyfriend? Are you relaxed about the boyfriend sleeping over, or do you expect a certain level of decorum? Is he allowed to stay over and how soon was it allowed?
Why is it ok for him to stay over at yours (in the presence of your deaughter), but not ok to stay over at his (in the presence of his parents).
I am not saying that you cannot have a relationship, or that you cannot bring this man to stay over, but just think about how YOU would like to be treated and extend the same level of courtsey to your daughter.
You will soon be two adults living in the same house, if you behave in a certain way, you have no comeback if she behaves the same. Be open and honest
Don't be a hypocrite. Respect goes both ways.
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