A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This isn't a relationship question per se, but I'd still like some advice. My problem is that my dad, who will turn 68 in October, just bought a house in a bad neighborhood without telling me in advance. Up until now he was living with my godsister. I really appreciate that he needs his own space (he has not had a house since my mom left him 10 years ago) but I worry about him. Also, not to sound snobby, but my wife and I do well financially and drive nice cars (BMWs). I worry that if I go to visit him I might become a target and because of that I am a little bit afraid to go visit him and see the new house. (He moved in 2 weeks ago.)I am helping him where I can (I gave him a refrigerator and a dining table among other items) but the whole thing still upsets me. The problem is that he is cheap. He is worried that he will be on Social Security soon, but he could have spent a bit more money and bought a house in a lower middle class area rather than in the slum he bought in. I was even helping him find nice houses in his price range, but they were about 10-15 miles farther from the city and he wanted to be closer so he wasn't interested. He told me he was giving up and going to a condo in a nicer area before announcing he bought this SFR in the ghetto.When I say it is an unsafe area I am not exaggerating. There have been 3 murders nearby in 4 years, including one daytime drive-by three doors down from his house. He thinks the people across the street deal drugs and he has already seen someone jump the wall from his backyard into the next yard. He wants me to pay for an alarm system, which I will, of course.I should say that my dad is an immigrant from Eastern Europe, so he has always been a bit of a tough guy. He works in a bad area and has even been carjacked once. He knows how to take care of himself. However, the whole situation stresses me out. Hr works out and is in great shape for his age (probably better than me), but he's not 40 anymore. I worry about him being there alone at night, if not for his physical safety then for his mental health as his house is broken into, his (brand new 2011 model) car is stolen, and so on.How can I tell him that I am not really comfortable in his neighborhood and that I think he could have done better? I want him to understand that the reason I don't want to visit is that my car might be stolen if I park it on the street and, truthfully, I am afraid of being followed home or that someone might threaten him hoping to get money from me. I think this purchase was a big mistake and my dad, who usually downplays these fears, seemed a bit shaken when he told me about the guy in his yard. What should I do? I prefer that he rent this house out and treat it as an investment. I would rather he moved in with me if that's what needs to happen. However, he is a very proud man and he is very excited about the first property he ever bought on his own. Help!
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 why has he done this if it is correct what you are saying and he could afford to live somewhere better? is it coz he wants to buy somewhere quite cheap and have the rest of his money to spend on stuff he will enjoy doing? he is still of sound mind? ( i mean no offence to you or your dad but, given his age... you know what i mean?) is he actually aware that the neighbourhood is so bad? you need to talk to him about this, if all else fails and he decides to move into the house anyway he may change his mind and agree to come live with you when he sees first hand how bad the area is. and if not then i guess you will just have to go visit him by bus or taxi if you don't trust his neighbours around your car
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