A
female
age
36-40,
*isaS
writes:I am 24 years old. I have been married to my husband since April 13, 2007 and dating him since October 24, 2005. We have 2 kids together. The oldest turned 3 April 5, 2009 (I was about a month pregnant already when I started dating my husband. He knew this and wanted to be on her birth certificate as her dad anyways when she was born). My youngest turned 2 July 2, 2009. I have all of this proof of how he has been cheating on me through out all the years. When I would ask him about it he would deny everything and throw things back in my face like I am the one in the wrong and that I am the one doing everything. I know he has seen girls that are way younger then him and completely inaproperate ( I will leave it at that). He continue to hurts me and says that all of our old friends are lying to me when they say they see him with other girls. Like when I joined the army he was running around on me. All the details are just too painful to write.Currently I am located in California because I came out here for a month in search for work to support my family. He agreed to let me come out here. I was suppose to bring my oldest daughter with me and he said I could. The cops ended up getting called out to the house that night because we were "roommates" with his parents and his parents pretty much Idolize my oldest daughter and didnt want her to go. They started getting verbably and physically abusive to me so I called the police. His parents wanted me to take my youngest daughter (which is blood related to them because they seem to want nothing to do with her) but leave my oldest daughter with them. They were saying that those were their kids not mine and how I was a horrible mother and all kinds of nasty stuff. On the way to the airport after I grabed mine and my daughters things, I had a change of heart and decided to let my daughter stay because I didnt want to seperate my two daughters and put them through any emotional stress. My husband promised that he would stay in contact with my parents and take the kids to see them every month. And after a month if I wasnt working still, he would pay for me to come back home.While I was away (I left June 25) He and his parents moved up to Gwinn, Michigan from Holly, Michigan (about a 10 hour drive from our previous house) and mind you I am all the way out in California. I'm constently calling, writing emails, text messages (they share 1 cell phone) and hardly ever hearing anything back. It is now September 12, over 2 months later and I am still in California. I have only talked to my oldest daughter twice. Both times she is saying she doesnt want to be there anymore and both times she was really sick. Asking me to take her away from there and all this other stuff and asking me these grown up questions about things she shouldnt even know about. But now my mother in law will not let me talk to my kids or my husband and he wont call me either. I dont know what is going on. I know that September 3rd they moved again. My mother in law doesnt want me knowing where. I'm freaking out cause I dont know if my kids are in school, if they are alright, I dont know what to do and how to get help. I want my kids with me I want to take care of them, but they are being kept from me against my will. I went on my myspace today since I hadnt been on it in months. My husband deleted me off of his friends list, had a different girl who is only 14 on his top, and he is number 1 on hers. I found a lovey dovey message from him to her and a bunch of other messages when I loged into his myspace to try to figure out what was going on, between him and other girls. He changed his password to his email a few months back after I discovered he signed up for an online dating site and was talking to other woman. I have more then enough proof that he is cheating on me. He has all my things. He put my laptop, home computer, digital camera and other electronics into Pawn WithOut my promission and cannot afford to get them out.A few weeks ago when I did recieve calls from his mother (when I was in the hospital) they were threating Very harrassing messages and saying that I will not speak to the girls again and I will not speak to my husband and I had to go through her and do what she says or else type thing. I have 5 of these messages recorded. When I spoke to the police they said that what she did was a misdamenor because of harrassing phone calls, but since she was in michigan and i was in california, i wasnt in any immediate danger and that they didnt really want to send detectives all the way to michigan to serve her papers.After that happened the last time i talked to my husband because he snuck calling me and whispeared the whole time like he was being held captive just told me to do what ever she says and to appoligise and just tell her what she wants to hear and to let it go. And that yes his mom did mean the threat. Believe me this whole situation is ALOT worse then I am typing. Now I am stuck in california staying with a friend of mine from the Army and I am completly broke and have no way to get back to Michigan to find out what is going on with my children. I miss my babies so much.I was tricked into coming out here for work. My husband closed my bank account behind my back without me knowing it. I only found out when the ATM took my card and I went up to the bank. But of course this was after he had my card canceled, one re issued in his name and made my account negative. My children recieve Social Security (SSI) payments and I am their payee because my husband is on Social Security Disability. But he cut me off of that too by lying about me to social security and now the money is going to his parents not the girls. I was his payee for his social security because he got it for mental disability because he has Schizophrenia, A.D.D, dyslexia and other things wrong with him, but he had me taken off of that. Now he has no payee, which in all reality means he shouldnt be recieving social security since his disability is based on mental and that he cannot handle his money his self. Since I've been gone as far as I know, all of that money has gone to his parents also. I had my children on food stamps and insurance through the state, but the last time i knew at the beginning of august since he moved and didnt inform them of his new address (but of course he blamed the state) they lost it. And he was complaining about not having enough money for food.The list of what is wrong just keeps going on and on.I just want to know my kids are eating, are healthy, do have their shots, are in school, are safe, I want to know where they are at. As their mother I feel I am intitled to this. I have NEVER endangered my children I have always done for them first and made sure they were always provided for. The only thing against me is the fact that my husband likes to sleep around and with younger girls and tries to put the blame game on me for everything. Him and his parents are Very emotionally abusive to me. His mother has attacked me before in front of my children. She lied about the situation when the police came and said i was endangering my children and that i was suidcidal and tried to have me committed, which isnt true at all. All because she wants my children as her own. I'm not imagining that.. they even told my parents and other people that they where their children not mine. Luckily the police didnt believe her and even my husband said it wasnt true. Each time the police come out my husband stands up for me, but he cannot stand up against his mother.Please Help! How can I get my children back or find out where/how they are? I dont know how to go about any of this. I'm really worried.My oldest is not blood related to my husband, but he is on her birth certificate, but does this give him/his parents any rights to keep her like that.My youngest is my husbands daughter by blood, but my in laws act like she is nothing compaired to her sister which makes no sense to me, but they say that they are their girls and I am a horrible mother and that I will never take them away from them.Any advice, comments or just words of hope, prayer anything will help!Thank you for your time and patience for reading all of this.~Very Worried and Anxitous Mother Missing her Children, her heart VERY dearly.I would and will do anything it takes for my children.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jenlanning30 +, writes (3 February 2011):
Dear mother
I'm sorry about your trouble. I'm a mother in the kinda same situation. My ex tricked me to bring our daughter to him during our divorce. My daughter is 6 years old and lives in Tennessee and I live in north Carolina. He has kept me from my daughter for 5 year's and I'm in the process of getting an attorney to try to make him let me see her. He wont provide a phone number or anything. And I'm discussed with heart break. And I wonder everyday if she will love me and what to say or even what she looks like. I left him cause I have an older daughter whom he was mean too. And when I left Tennessee I took both of my girls to make things better for them in reality I mad it worse for my self I'm crushed that people can keep kids from us. So I wish and hope the best in your situation has anything changed?
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (12 September 2009):
 The family court is the place to determine custody of children. It is vital that you hire a family lawyer to represent you or seek legal aid if you are unable to pay. You should also call child protection services in the State where your child reside as they can check on the children and identify any outstanding needs. If your husband has claimed state benefits illegally then you can report him to the relevant Government office for fraud. All your telephone calls to official agencies should be backed up with letters so you have a file of evidence against him and his family. Your mother in law is a bully who has no legal authority over your children. However if you delay in seeking legal advice then your husband may twist the tale into one of 'child abandonment' where you left the State without them. Even if you do not have an address for them, you can contact child protection services who are specialists in tracking down children in such circumstances.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (12 September 2009):
 It is time for you to do the right thing.
1-Go see a lawyer. If you can not afford one, go see one from legal aid. Can you talk to a lawyer through the army?
If you really can not find a lawyer to at least listen to your case, do your own research. There are plenty of internet resources on family law, and books on the subject too. Start learning.
2-What the heck were you doing leaving your kids behind like that, with a family that hates you, and a husband that is a proven lair? Seriously.
3-If you did not find it odd that a man you just started to date would be OK to put his name on the birth certificate, and that you were one month pregnant, now you know that is not a good sign.
4-Where is the real father of your first child? Surely he would not want his daughter in this situation. Does he even know that he is the father? Do you know who the father is?
Lastly, and MOST IMPORTANT. If you really feel and have proof that your husband is a pedophile (going with girls that are very very young...doesn't it make you worry what he is going to do to your daughters? Don't you see the red flag here? Com'on, and wake up! Go to the police.
-Frank Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
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