A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiI met a girl about a year ago and I had my first same sex experience with her which I really enjoyed. We made plans to meet again but she traveled back home and then traveled for work and I eventually managed to meet her again for a drink in November after I asked her out. Noting happened on that date but she wanted us to go on a proper date a week later, however i just quit my job and generally was in a mess so I felt that I could not really date her at that time especially that she kept going on about starting a family. I send her an e-mail apologizing and stating that I don't feel like it would be possible to have just a "bit of fun on the side" with a woman, I would want to be serious with a girl that I like, but I am not ready for things such as family etcI could not be "just friends" with her and I would be not ready for a relationship, and the whole "no strings" thing would hurt either me or her in the end.She responded saying that it is o.k. and that I should do what is best for me.About three weeks ago I received a facebook message from her asking if I wanted to "catch up", I was a bit surprised but we went for a drink and ended up in her bed. She was talking to me about her ex and about another "straight girl who had a crush on her" at work and with whom she tried to have a relationship last winter. We met again and had sex again after which she asked me if I wanted to continue meeting her to which i said yes. She send me an e-mail saying that she feels closer to me and that she feels comfortable with it. We had an e-mail exchange and then we had to rearrange our date twice because of my and her friends vising etc. She was supposed to send me an e-mail saying what time we were to meet. Instead I received a belated text message saying "I shouldn't be seeing you, I am not ready for this. I am confused, sorry"What on earth is that about? she contacted me after all this time and asked if I wanted to keep seeing her and now she just dumps me via text? Should I respond with a tentative e-mail asking if she is o.k. and what happened or should I just ignore her...I feel annoyed that she did it thorough a text message.
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male
reader, dave green  +, writes (12 May 2009):
I reckon she was getting a bit of payback. You hurt her unintentionally, by being a little selfish, and hell hath no fury etc...
my advice is you find someone else, better looking than her and make her jealous. But move on.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (5 May 2009):
I think she dumped you by text for exactly the same reason you dumped her by email.... it was easier to write it down.
You both have exactly the same problem as each other. You both want something serious but aren't ready for it.
You told her that first, she gave it time, then tried to be friends with you and start again. But it turned into casual sex due to lust on both sides.
She can't deal with that because she likes you too much for a bit of fun so she is protecting herself by running far far away.
If you want her back for a serious real relationship then go after her. Send her flowers, write her a hand written letter, do something stupid and romantic for her. Win her back and tell her how you feel.
If you are not ready for that yet then tell her you understand and wait another couple of months to see if the timing is right then.
Good Luck!! xx
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