A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Ive never felt so low in my life. At the weekend, after another row, I finally decided to end things for good with my ex. We have a 6 month old baby together and I also have a 6 year old son from a previous relationship. Our rows have escalated since our son was born. Things have been really tough because he works away and is only home at weekends so I'm left to bring up the 2 children on my own with no support from family. I don't mean to but I do take my frustrations out on him at times, especially as he does not seem to understand why I'm tired all the time, don't make an effort with my appearance etc because I don't have time or energy to. When we row things get nasty and personal. He will start picking on the fact that I have depression and mild bipolar. I cant help this, but because of the way I was brought up with 2 parents who had mental problems and emotionally and physically abused me and my 2 sisters, these childhood issues have come surfaced in my adult life and I am on meds and have had counselling in the past. I face up to the fact that I am like this. I told him when we first got together everything that my mum put me through as a child. He has done nothing but use this against me in rows and says things like "no wonder your mum abused you" or "youre mental just like your mum are you going to attack our kids as well"? He makes me feel so low and worthless about myself. Then once hes calmed down a few days after the rows he will come back round being all sorry and lovely, but then soon after it will all happen again. Each row got more personal and nasty until now that hes ripped everything he can off me hes started to be horrible to my 6 year old son. We went away for the weekend and my son was being naughty but it put my ex on a mood for the whole day. By the time I had to drive us all the way home, he was going mental at me, telling me what to do, speaking to me and my son like rubbish, called me the c word in front of my children (the 5th time now), and then turned round and said he wanted nothing to do with him either....nodding his head at my 6 year old, who was heartbroken at these words. Once we got home I told him to leave and he has but I obviously have to keep in touch because of our baby. He text me yesterday demanding to have our son this weekend but at the same time being abusive to me, calling me mental, telling me it was all my fault that he treats me the way he does. I know I can be a nightmare to be with sometimes, I have mood swings and can be irrational, but I still don't think that warrants the way that he treats me. I decided to block him and told him I would only go through his mum or sister in law for contact about our son. Then I get a call from him mum saying that my ex has told her that I had a 'meltdown' whilst we were away, and Ive made the whole story up about him being nasty to me and my 6 year old all the way home, and that I need meds to sort me out straight away. I know, hand on heart, that this wasn't the case and this is all lies. I cant quite believe that rather than face up to his own actions he would rather try and lie to get out of it by using the fact that I have depression and bipolar and telling his family not to listen to me cos I'm mental and a liar. I am now at home feeling the worst that ive ever felt and don't know what to do. I don't even want to get up with my children in the morning. I feel like everyone around me is talking about me and hate me. This is all what he has made me feel like. How do I cope with this? I want to be a good mum but he has depleted me of everything. And how do I move on but knowing that I have to see him regularly because of our son? My life feels worthless. I'm 33 and he is 35.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2016): Please phone the Womens Aid helpline. They will be a great emotional support to you and understand fully how low abuse can make you feel. They may well signpost you to local support and do take it. Sinking in silence is avoidable and you dserve better. By doing this you are taking that all important first step in the right direction. I understand what you're going through.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 September 2016):
 Would you want this man to have access to your child? I mean he was abusive to your other child so who knows what he is capable.
Look this man is abusive, he has tore you down, you have done the right thing ending things, now go to court and get maintenance paid from him. If he wants to visit set up supervision visits so that you don't need to see him, tell your lawyer why you are worried for the safety off your son.
Next step go to the doctor and tell them how you are feeling. You need to be a mum to your children, stop blaming him for everything. You need to be a responsible adult here. So get the help from your doctor to get better for you and your children. They should not have to suffer like you did as a child.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2016): It seems to me that subconsciously you have attracted a man who follows similar abusive patterns as your parents did.
He is clearly being emotionally and mentally abusive to you and you don't need to take this nonsense. Especially since he's also directed his verbal abuse to your child as well.
Get legal help to ensure that he at least contributes financially to the care of your child together and keep him out of your lives unless he can get his act together.
How dare he behave that way to your child? Set an example to your kids - such behaviour against them will not be tolerated. Best wishes.
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