A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: When i visit and stay at my mums house shes 75 to spend time with her, my brother whos 50, who lives there starts arguments about anything and calls me names and just bullies me. he threatens me and says to get out the house and he will throw me out the front door. And im the one there helping mum with shopping why he sits on the sofa all day long! he doesnt even go out to get a bottle of milk for her.he was calling me horrid names like cowbag, calling my partner and friends names he is really horrible and was following me round the house threatening me. he also is like it to mum at times she puts up with it. it isnt his house its mums so he has no right to say get out. his behaviour is appalling. i live 150 miles away and its putting me off bothering visiting my mum at all now. as i feel my safety is at risk and i will end up having to phone the police and press charges and then he might come after me when released as he says things like he will kill people from time to time its very frightening. please help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 June 2022):
 I would look into contacting Ageuk.org.uk and reporting this.
It's called ELDER ABUSE.
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/relationships-family/protection-from-abuse/
Or Adult Social Care at your local council.
this isn't Ok.
I would advise that you (without him seeing it) take your phone and RECORD his behavior. Perhaps even consider a voice activated recorder to leave at your mom's house so you have an idea of what is going on. BUT check with Citizen's advice FIRST if that is legal.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2022): It's best you record what he's saying; and actually call the police when you are threatened physical harm. I think the whole thing is about his taking over your mum's house, or he would otherwise be homeless. It also seems he has mental-health issues; so you may have to hire yourself a lawyer, if you think he might be a threat to her safety. He is technically a squatter. He has taken over her home; because she is too old and frail to do anything about it.
Record what he says to you and your partner; and if you can video without his knowledge, please be careful, you should do so. Police have this thing where their hands are always tied, until you wind-up either in an ambulance, or in a body bag; before they can do anything. Get a lawyer, you need to get this man evicted out of her house. If he is mentally-ill, your mother may not be safe. He's threatening to kill people??? If you can prove that; it might make the police take you more seriously.
You should apply for legal guardianship, or conservatorship over your mother's affairs. You need a legal-leg to stand-on; which is why the police are rendered powerless. He lives there, so they can't just go and remove him; unless of course, he actually breaks the law. Threatening to kill people is definitely against the law in almost every country; but so far, he hasn't actually laid a finger on you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2022): It is not his house but it is his home? I am guessing he feels that you are threatening him being king of the castle where he is in charge. Mum puts up with him because she is lonely. He takes advantage financially and in all other ways and has a cushy easy laid back life there - until you come along. It is obvious he won't get any "help" and it does not follow he has a mental health problem simply because he is anxious about having his authority threatened. I am a qualified private therapist so you can trust me on that. As for the idea he would put his name down for his own place.Why would he want to do that when it is cheaper and cushier to stay there at someone else's place? If he is too lazy to go and gt some shopping he would be too lazy to take care of the responsibilities of his own place.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (9 June 2022):
 It sounds to me like your brother has got some sort of disorder and requires some professional help.
Are a lot of these outbursts drink related?. Or has something happened in the past that he is very bitter about?.
Like you say its not his house and he has no right to say who comes and who goes, and he should have some respect that this is his Mums house who lets him stay there. How has it worked out that a 50 year old man is still living under his Mums roof anyway, and by the sounds of it if he is on the sofa all day he does not work either.
His actions are very worrying, have you tried talking to your Mum about this?. Maybe she could convince him that he does need some sort of professional help.
Would you Mum ever consider coming to your house and stay for weekends, without your brother there?.
As I say, not sure best way to broach it, but he does need professional help. Suprised he has got to 50 and not been diagnosed with something.
Has he never thought of putting his name on the housing association and getting his own place.
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