A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i'm sorry if this is pretty long, this is about my brother. i've been meaning to write for some time, but never plucked up the courage. first things first, i love my brother so much. this isn't about any sexual love AT ALL. just to get that straight, :).Well, my brother was diagnosed with Asperges Syndrome (a form of autism) a few years ago, but we always knew he had trouble socially. we've always fought, sibling rivalry, but it's way different than just petty fighting. we physically hurt each other, like kicking and scratching, he pulls my hair etc. that doesn't happen often. However, he loses his temper so easily and over trivial things, when he gets angry there's nothing he wont do to hurt someone.he makes me cry a lot. sometimes i just want to scream. it's so hard, just taking it, and i get so frustrated. i know i do wrong too, like mean comments, but it's a way to let my anger out. he says stuff like 'crocodile tears' to me, and its not so much the words, its just the fact that he doesnt realise how much he hurts me. then there's my dad. he and my brother are always fighting, and sometimes it comes to blows. im so so scared that one day they will hate each other. My brother is already beginning to hate him.he is so easy to annoy. he says i ama always annoying him and being mean to him, but i swear that is not true. it is an element of his aspergers that everything in his world is about him, and he doesnt think of other people. there's also the aspect of his health. he doesnt eat meat, which is okay, but neither does he eat fruit or vegitables. believe me we have tried every approach, but these are usually what sparks the arguements. so you see the reason we have these fights is because i care for him so deeply, but he doenst understand that. i try to tell him but he tells me that he knows that i dont for a fact. How do you tell someone so sure of themselves that they are so wrong? you cant!i have so much fear that he will go to prison, or kill himself someday because his self esteem is so low, bordering on depression. Please help me i dont know what to do and i love him so much. thankyou for any help at all.XxxX
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female
reader, Mizza  +, writes (28 January 2017):
Hi. I know exactly what you're going through because my brother has Aspergers too. It drives me absolutely insane. My parents always side with him and I always seem to get into trouble with them for no reason. My brother is manipulative and narcissistic.
I recently went on a camp that my brother came on too. It made it very hard for me to enjoy it. It was so bad that it eventually got to the point where I started having panic attacks because of it.
I love my brother to shreds but he doesn't seem to understand that he is effecting everyone around him. I think that what you need to do is accept that this is how he is. It took me a while, but at the same time try to get him to see what he is doing is wrong. I tried that and my brother has actually started to feel remorse and even get upset when I cry. I'm sorry you have to go through this too, but I definitely know how you feel.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): I have a brother and i know it is hard but you have to ignore him and let him live his life and the most important thing is to be there for him if he ever does need you
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): I don't know what to say, because well I read that and my brother acts EXACTLY like that. There isn't one thing that you said that my brother doesn't do. Except the crocodile thing, but he calls me even worse things. Worse than you can possibly imagine. My brother is 16, and talks about hurting my dad and calls my mom a bitch and my dad and him fight alot and my dad even has to leave the house because my brother is so cruel. He punches me and beats me up alot. Though unlike you, I hate my brother. He just sucks. Don't worry, you're not the only one with this problem. I know what you're going through.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): You are a very good sister. I have aspergers and i know what it is like. you're right most aspergers people are the most important thing in their worlds but from personal experience that stems from feeling inferior to others it is like a defence mechanism but the problem is is that he probably does not realize the full extent of how much he is hurting you. being insensitive to others emotions is what makes the aspie appear distant. deep down he loves you very much but he probably can't express his emotions verbally and he may have some problems with touch so affection so e.g. hugs etc. might make him feel even more distant from you. I myself get very annoyed at trivial things and certain people bug me even when there is no reason for it. Aspergers people don't have a need to be surrounded by people even though they get lonely and the result from this problem is anger and frustration. the low self esteem your brother suffers needs treatment because a bad day that would make a neurotypical person grumpy will make the aspie suicidal. I don't mean to scare you but it is fact. you must proceed with caution though because therapy sessions as helpful as they can be may make him feel more different which is not good if he is borderline depression. Bottomline is that what he needs is alot of support and patience. Symptoms tend to diminish with age. Try to talk things out with him as much you can without pushing his boundaries. deep inside him there is a person trying to reach out to the world but doesn't know how. With a lot of patience you could make a whole lot better for him.
Good Luck
P.S. Make sure that eating problem is taken care of because it will lead to alot more problems down the road.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): Darling, you really are an amazing sister! Your brother is so lucky to have you.
The best advice I can give you is to seek help, talk to a school coucellor, or a therapist, or get a book from the library etc to help you better understand your brother's condition.
I used to volunteer with a program called Special Equestrians and we helped people with all sorts of challenges, from depression and anorexia to paraplegia and severe brain damage to learn to ride and care for horses. Perhaps something like this might help your brother, because through learning responsibility for an animal, and achieving new skills, people develop more confidence in themselves and are often able to bring this to other areas of there lives, plus it gives them something taht they are good at that is in an environment other than school or home!
If you want to chat any more about this, or if you want me to send you any information about this srt of program, jsut message me and I will!
I hope this helps hunni! And jsut remember that your brother needs your love and support, he's not choosing to be this way, he cant help it. (by the way by younger brother has oppositional/deffiant disorder and obsessive compulsive type disorders, so i know how hard it can be to see someone you love struggling, and also how hard it can be to be their sibling!!)
take care!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): I realise from your post you love your brother very much. But he needs professional help as he is a danger to others and himself.
You might not know it but deep inside he loves you all very much its just that he cannot control his emotions.
It is worrying that he is not eating and I would seek help for that.
It will take a step by step process to help him and be there for him. There will be ups and downs but if there is a clear direction to help him, then all you can do is be there for him and make sure he is on track.
Through all the traumas remember you must take care of yourself and to just be there for your brother.
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