A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm getting married next year and I asked one of friends who I have known since college to be a bridesmaid. She had said yes but then proceeded to tell me about being a newly recovering alcoholic. I never knew that she had problems with alcohol or that she drank and she said that it was all over a span of two years. That she was having problems finding a job and that she broke up with her fiancee because he didn't do anything to help her sobriety. That he purposely put drinks in front of her as a way to control her. I feel so bad that she had to go through all of that. I did help her with finding some employment agencies that some of my friends had mentioned that they used to help them find jobs in the past. Now my cousin who is my MOH, my two friends one from high school and the other I met through my high school friend want to go to Vegas for the bachelorette party. Another issue is my fiancee wants an open bar at the wedding. The banquet that we are choosing (for connivance next to the airport, next to the hotel for family/friends from out of town, price, and recommendations) also has wine included during the meal. I do know almost all of my fiancee's and my own friends/family will be drinking not to get drunk but I do know they will have a few drinks. So my question is how do I address this with my friend? Should I warn her? Should I tell her I understand if she feels she can't come or doesn't feel comfortable being at the reception? I don't want her to feel like I am purposely trying to single her out though. The only other person who won't be drinking at the wedding besides the kids is my mom.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 October 2014):
 She told you as a friend, not her sponsor.
I'm sure she is aware that there is normally alcohol at social events and I'm sure she will plan to handle it appropriately.
I rarely drink. By choice. My husband drinks daily. His drinking does not make me drink.
Invite her as if you had no clue about her recovery. And if she has concerns it sounds as if she will be able to voice them with you.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 October 2014):
 Stickwith Chigirl on this one.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 October 2014):
 Ask HER if she can handle it. Im my book I think it's LOVELY to think about her wellbeing, but this is also your fiance and your wedding.
I would presume she understand that people often drink at weddings.
TALK to her.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 October 2014):
 I think you are over-thinking this. So she doesn't drink. There are going to be other people there who also will not enjoy alcohol. Such as your mother. Or any pregnant participants. Or those who just does not want to get hammered. Or maybe even someone who is under aged? I went to my older cousins weddings as under age, I didn't drink, even if there was an open bar, and it wasn't a problem. So I don't see why this should be a problem.
She must be aware there is going to be alcohol in the building, it's a wedding. However I would just talk to her about it, to get this straight and so you know what you should/shouldn't do, as you're not sure. Just give her information upfront like you mentioned in your post, and ask her how you can arrange things to it will be convenient for her. You're already having other non-drinkers at the wedding, so prepare the bartender that there should be non-alcoholic drinks as well, and prepare the waiters at your wedding that there will be some non-alcoholic guests. There's non-alcoholic drinks that go well with dinner, there doesn't need to be wine, or you can even have non-alcoholic wine.
But just talking to the bartender will be great, I think, because unless they're really professional, they aren't prepared for non-alcoholic requests. Preparing them will make things go more smoothly, and they will make sure to bring the right ingredients and have proper alternatives other than water or sodas.
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