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age
26-29,
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writes: helloI am in a relationship of a year and i love this guy we get on and everything is pretty excellent, but he is a boy of 16 years so porn is something he tends to induldge in and i hate it, the thought of him getting turned on by someone skinnier, prettier and has a better everything than me , upsets me no end. And as i agressivly hate the way i look already i am getting more and more insecure.he tells me that it doesn't mean anything and that its normal, i try so hard not to care but i cant help but feel awful about it. he has stopped using porn as much as he used to and i send him picture to turn him on but i still hate it and he got angry when i used to have a go at him for it so now i keep my mouth shut, but it dose'nt change the way i feel.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank youy everyone, i just want to add that he has deleted the pictures, that i took he did this befor i asked him as he didnt want any one but him to see it as he pretective over me.
thank you to the last person to write it was just what i needed .
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): Firstly I agree completely about not sending him nor anyone else images of yourself. You don't want the heartbreak, reputation or legal implications of doing something like that. Neither should you let him use porn to make you sleep with him to compete with the porn.As to why he uses porn, it has nothing to do with yourlooks whatsoever. CMMP made a very valid point, porn is about watching sex not someone skinnier or prettier and so on. To be a little graphic here, once he has done what he needs to do the porn that a few second earlier was turning him on then becomes the most pointless thing and the women a turn off. Men don't watch porn to see pretty women they wish they were with, they watch the sexual act for arousal. I agree completely with the other responses here about the negative aspects of porn but also I think it needs to be said that he's 16 and at that age he will probably have a very high sex drive and no outlet for it, unless you are sexually active of course. Also he will be sexually curious and wanting, for the want of a better expression, to find out what its all about. Many man use porn and still enjoy a normal sex life. Yes people can become addicted, people can turn to porn which is highly illegal and so on but most of us know the difference between something which turns us on sexually for a few minutes and real life. Its like alcohol - it destroys lives and kills thousands but not everyone who buys a beer or visits a pub is a drink driving, alcoholic so I think its not always the demon its made out to be in the press. I do think that an issue here is the fact that you lack confidence in your looks and body and that's making you feel insecure. I think it would be a good idea, if you haven't already, to discuss how you feel about yourself with your boyfriend and explain your insecurities about your appearance. This might make him appreciate further why the porn is such an issue for you and also, hopefully, make him give you the support and confidence you need to love yourself and your looks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): You could try reading Living Dolls by Natasha Walter or One Dimensional Woman by Nina power. Both of these books are concerned for how the porn industry is becoming 'normalised' and its negative effects on women. You can buy them in bookstores or online, they're very popular books for girls of your age and above.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): If I had a girlfriend when I was 16 instead of 18 I would not be watching porn anymore. I believe that porn can be an addiction and like soft drugs it can lead to harder porn and then you get into the heavy duty horrible stuff. Tell your boyfriend you don't like what he is doing in relationship to porn and you feel insecure about it all. Wait for a response and see what he says. You are both young and starting intimate relations may not be for you and you may not want it. If he says I need it bad and you are not there yet or want to go there with him then you tell him good-bye. There is nothing wrong with spending time together and doing and sharing experiences together. Biking,skating, roller blading etc. You don't have to put out for nobody and don't let him use porn as a excuse to need to have sex with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): He should not have easy access to pornYou should never send boys pics like that!!! If he shows it to other boys that will be horrible for you to handle. It could get out at school and would embarrass you.Please stop and never do it again! Once you give the pics away, you can't get them back! Sex is not the only way to make boys like you. It's a way to let the wrong boy use you, disrespect you, and he'll still like other girls and porn. What if he lied to you about the porn? For your sake, I hope your parents find out before something goes wrong. They gave you a device and trust you to use it responsibly. You have seen and heard all the warnings about it on TV, and hopefully at school.You are right to hate it. Because it's wrong! Never do anything for a boy that makes you feel bad. NEVER!
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reader, CMMP  +, writes (25 March 2013):
Well let's just get this out of the way: he's almost assuredly not looking at skinnier, prettier girls in order to get off. He's looking at SEX. Men are more simple when it comes to porn than women realize.
Although I understand feeling insecure I'm positive you don't have any reason to be.
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