A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I know this sounds like a good problem to have but my boyfriend's mother (my eventual MIL) wants to literally be my best friend. She comments on ALL of my photos, shared posts, statuses, EVERYTHING on Facebook. She even will comment on my friends' posts saying things like "Thats our GIRL luv hr sooo much" and "isnt she such a cuteee!!@" It's driving me up a wall because this is an every day thing and it's becoming really embarrassing for me. She thinks we're best friends and I do like her, but having her on my social media is just so annoying. I'm not sure if that makes me a bad person or insensitive. My boyfriend would probably be insulted if I told him it bothers me, or he would tell her that I said it bothers me. What do I do?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 November 2014):
 OP, if that was you writing a feedback down there (it wasn't recognized as coming from the original poster), yes your case does seem trivial to me. I don't mean to be cruel, but some times people need to hear it like it is. It is a trivial matter, and not worth your time and energy. Maybe there are other things that bother you, but you wrote only about facebook, so how am I supposed to know you have other things bothering you as well? Although, the things you write about facebook bothering you.. if you are really so easily bothered then perhaps it is time you take a step back and look at the big picture of things. Facebook is not that important, yet you act as if your life is now ruined because you get comments on facebook from this woman.
Some things are genuinely a problem for some people, whereas others will not see it as a problem. But I can not, sincerely, see how facebook can be seen as anything but trivial. If it bothers you so much why don't you just change your privacy settings, like others have mentioned?
I have tons of people on facebook that I don't want to read my comments to friends, I have family on facebook, I have colleagues, both old and new, on facebook. All these people do not need to read all my updates or see my pictures. How do I deal with it? Privacy settings and placing people in separate groups, and then have my updates on a setting where such and such groups will not see the updates. So there is no problem.
If she bothers you so much why don't you just change your settings? Why all this drama and anguish? And why would it be so terrible to have her as a friend, this I don't get either. If you've never been frozen out by in-laws/family members I can tell you, having her on your side is absolutely to be preferred.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (15 November 2014):
 Hi
In her own way she is trying to connect with you, albeit not very successfully.
Some people are more gushy and more effusive than others.
While others are more standoffish or reserved.
In the beginning I failed to understand my first mother in law. But once I realized that she was an observer and she was the wisest person I had ever known I warmed to her.
Whereas I don't particularly like insincere people who come on all very very strong and and want to be too over familiar from day one. Whereas I know people who like that attitude.
Your guy may love you just because you are not the same as his mother.
Another problem sometimes is a mother in law who tries too hard to make out she is just like her future daughter in law - copying what her daughter in law is wearing, where she goes, how she wears her hair and insisting if the daughter in law wants to try X then the mother in law wants to do it too. It can be very disconcerting to have a mother in law who turns up wearing exactly what you wore the week before. "Yes Betty, the crop top looks very nice" NO NO I cannot say that is so. I go silent if I cannot say something positive.
Not if the crop top looks great on the size 6 daughter in law who is 23 and not quite so fetching on her 55 year old mother in law in her size 20 DDD cup bras and her muffin top spilling over the top of her pink 3/4 pants .
Perhaps try to see your boyfriends Mom as just trying too hard. It is her insecurity. Don't make it yours.
For the sake of your relationship with your guy trust that over time you can address this situation in small chunks, one day at a time.
Your guy still adores his Mom so you are correct that you don't need to do anything that will put him off side.
I suspect that your guy's mother has a few insecurities and desperately wants to be liked.
Find something positive about something she has done or worn or achieved and compliment her on it.
If she has a talent then encourage her to develop it.
She wants you to like her. Yes she is over the top at the moment.
Let her know that you like her.
As her to show you the things she most enjoys cooking for your guy and for the family.
She is desperate for your approval.
You are in the driver's seat in this situation, so you can take the lead and build this relationship towards outcome that will make things better for you and your guy.
Over time you will become close enough to her to be able to talk to her without upsetting her. And without causing you grief that you do not need.
If you think the gushing is bad now, wait till you have children. She will be beside herself with pleasure and joy.
By which time you may be able to joke and be more familiar with her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2014): Please dont be annoyed by her, Im sure she is trying to be nice and maybe she wants you to feel at ease with her? It sounds like she does like you, even if this is irritating.
I have some friends on facebook who comment on absolutely everything I post, so I choose the custom setting, and simply exclude them from certain posts. That way, some posts still show to them but it limits what they can comment on. Good luck and it is nice that this lady is fond of you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2014): I totally understand how you feel. Older people have to understand that there is a huge age gap between them and someone 25 years younger and not try to be friends with this person. I don't think you are hard to please or you should be grateful that your future mother in law loves you.,she can love you but not nessesesarily put it on FB or act like she is your own age.I have a 25 years old daughter who I had when I was ony 19. She had older friends in their 30s. Some of them are only 10 years younger than me, but still I feel that they see me as her mother and much older person. I act with them accordingly. I don't know what you can do though as far as telling her or your boyfriend about it. May be you can just stop posting anything on FB for awhile and see if she calms down.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 November 2014):
 hide her feeds or... remove her from your Facebook page. My guess is, she is new to Facebook and enthusiastic about her son and you (which is a good thing).
Or set your privacy settings higher (on pictures for instance)
No need to be embarrassed, just let your friends know that your future MIL is all over your FB page.
It's not like she is starting drama, she is just posting cheerful crap, is that really so bad?
Now if it ends up you don't end up with this guy, remember in your NEXT relationship to NOT add the BF's family.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2014): I asked this question for constructive and kind advice Excuse me for only mentioning the Facebook annoyances, I didn't have an entire night to write out any and every thing that may bother me. If I were you, I would try to approach people who ask questions or have issues on this site much more sensitively. I realize that my problem may seem trivial to some, but that is why I asked for advice, because it is an issue for me. Oh and when you say I need to get over myself and that she isn't looking to be my best friend? She's literally told me she wants me to be her best friend. Does that help you feel a little more judgmental?I get that this is a good problem to have, and as I stated earlier, I'm so glad that she likes me. I need space though.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (14 November 2014):
I say... get over yourself. Sorry to be blunt, but her being all over your FACEBOOK does NOT equal her wanting to be your best friend. If you think that's what a "best friend" is, then you need to reevaluate your idea of friendship.
This woman is not looking to be your best friend, she's just being friendly and in her own opinion, I guess, she's just being nice. Trust me, you have no idea if she's actually a friend of yours or not, just because she posts things on facebook...
Facebook is NOT real life! If she calls you often, in REAL LIFE, or wants to meet you IN REAL LIFE and wants to spend time with you, then maybe she wants to be your friend. But on FB? It's all just her being nice. If you think it's so bothersome that it's worth ruining your relationship over, then sure, go ahead and complain to her/to your boyfriend. But it'll just be massive drama, I tell you.
I say, just suck it up and stop getting so annoyed over petty, little things. If you don't want her involved with all you say or do with friends, then stop having your social life on FB and go talk to your friends in person. This can hardly be that big of a problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2014): Make the most of it! Believe me, I'm speaking from experience, the opposite is much, MUCH worse!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 November 2014):
 Count your Blessings. The alternative is often a nightmare!
Good luck...
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