A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months. We are very much in love with one another. When we were first getting to know each other and the topic of porn came up, I let him know that I was not fond of it as I believe it is degrading to women and I had an x who watched it way more then I was comfortable with. He unsolicited by me, assured me he was not a "porn guy." I took his word at face value.Over the past month our sex life has decreased, I initiate sex 75% of this past month. Until recently we have had a great sex life. In his defense, he has had many stresses in his family and legal life recently. I have felt worried about his libido decrease but attributed it to his current difficulties. Last week while using his laptop a porn site popped up. I was like WTF? It was to a subscription porn site.I told him about it and he denied it vehemently and said it was from a time when his friend had used his computer, that it must be from his friends account. I wanted to believe him, but my gut did not trust it. I know that he was ashamed and I did not want to put him on the defense. I tried to explain to him that my concern was compounded by the fact that our sex life had decreased lately. He said he understood why I would feel worried, but assured me that the two things were not related. He told me he thought I was gorgeous and that he loved me.Perhaps I should have let it go, but I was bad and looked on his computer- and I found that he blatantly bold faced lied to me. It is an account under his name and he has downloaded porn while I was at his house, sleeping in his bed. Is it true that what we don't know wont hurt us? I feel like I am in a conundrum as I have this info because I looked at his computer and I know this is not ethical. I cant prove that he lied to me with out compromising myself, but I know that he did. I don't know if has always looked at porn- as he does not feel comfortable talking to me about it- but I am worried because I know he has looked at it frequently during the past month of our decreased sex life. I really love him and want our relationship to last- I would especially appreciate hearing feedback from men as I know that you guys think differently than we do and I want to understand.If it would help for me to understand him and open honest communication -I would be willing to look at it with him- but shouldn't he be willing to admit that he does watch it? I understand that we all tell white lies and that he may be ashamed. I don't want to have a relationship with dishonesty about sexuality.Thanks or reading and I appreciate your feedback.
View related questions:
libido, porn, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): Oh my god Its almost like I wrote this question myself! I know exactly how youre feeling, I also had an ex boyfriend who enjoyed porn and he would always hide it though he knew how much it upset me. I eventually left him because I couldnt get over it, my new boyf came along shortly after and he knew everything swears he cant understand why my ex looked at porn when he had me, we fell for each other straight after. Now my boyf's once extremely high libido is almost non-existant for the past 5 mnths but I occasionally find links and websites related to porn and I feel heartbroken all over again. He is usually honest about his interest in sexy women but with his libido at a low and the sites on his laptop its like a kind of betrayal, I hope things sort themselves out for us soon, and our idiot boyfriends start respecting us and what we believe in... good luck
|
