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age
36-40,
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writes: I've been feeling very negative in regards to myself and my relationship lately.I feel dull. I feel like I'm a boring, insecure, obnoxious woman. I've been constantly comparing myself to women in magazines and TV and I obviously come up short, I feel ugly. Then I realize I'm not even that smart to make up for it, nor am I funny enough.My boyfriend has made comments about how this or that woman on TV is hot. Then I pointed out how my thighs were flabby, and he said "Yeah, they are!". He then made comments about my flabby thighs a few more times. Later I was telling him some story about my dad and he said I was boring him. Then if sometimes I play guitar and he's with me (he also plays, just a whole lot better) he'll point out what I'm doing wrong. Or if I complain about anything about myself he'll always confirm it, ie: "My thighs are flabby", yeah, "I think I gained a bit of weight" Yeah, "I don't think I play too well" No you don't...Don't get me wrong, he's generally very loving, and yes, he compliments me and treats me well most of the time. But it's just sometimes he criticizes me and it hurts. Or if I comment on my flabby thighs, well I'm not asking that he lies, but he could say something good too" Like, "I have flabby thighs" "yeah, but you have a killer smile!" something like that as to not feel so low. I swear he's the only person in my entire life to have made me feel so many wonderful things about myself yet so many wrong things (not even my parents, I swear, if I self-criticize most people will try to point out at least one good thing, but not him!)I've been feeling so low and like I'm such a plain boring and dumb person.
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female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (28 July 2008):
He's being an immature jackass. Also, if you continuously point out things wrong with yourself, it does get annoying and people will just start to agree with you to "shut up" basically. I'm not trying to be insensitive--just honest. I've had friends that have kept saying, "I'm fat" over and over again. First off they were, but I wasn't going to be rude and agree. However, after hearing it like the 20th time, I felt like saying, "Yes, you are! If you complain about it so much then do something about it!" Quit knocking yourself, quit comparing yourself to celebrities and saying that you're not as good as him at playing guitar. Being insecure and down on yourself only allows people to see that you're weaker and you won't stick up for yourself. Even if he is your boyfriend (and he is being a jerk), he's going to grow tired of hearing you bad mouth yourself and join in. To say you're dumb and fat and boring is just showing that you think you're nothing. You're not dumb!
I would suggest talking to your boyfriend. Tell him that you've been having some insecurities lately that you would like to fix. Let him know that what he tells you and agreeing with you on things like you're dumb or fat only hurts you more (I'm guessing that you say these things to him because you want him to say, "No honey, I think you're perfect just the way you are"). Let him know that you want to change these flaws to feel better about yourself and that his support would be appreciated.
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