A
female
age
30-35,
*ecretjuliet
writes:I've been having this huge problem lately, it's always the reason why my relationship with my lover is floating. okay so I've been with my bf for like 14 months, I really really love him. I'm possessive and all. about like half a year he started like being close buddies with this friend of mine (girl). at first, I didn't mind (I was quite happy actually), but as time passes, I feel neglected. He's always happy with her, hangs out with her often and talks to her always too. I'm jealous because he sometimes ignores me when she's around. I was pretending to like be all happy when she's around but there was this time that I really couldn't take it so me and my bf had an argument--close to breaking up actually. then his bestfriend (her!!) noticed that he's frustrated and all so she told my bf that I was such a drama queen, over-reacting and all so I got really pissed. when me and my bf are already alright, I'm trying so hard to accept the fact that she's only a bestfriend but there came a time when I saw his tweets, he was complaining how she ain't replying or when his battery's dead, he'd always say sorry to her (not to me!) he's even proud of her gifts (boasting it in twitter) although he told me he loves what I gave him too, it's just not the same. we ALWAYS argue about this and make up after. I feel like the girl likes him, she'd always wait for him after class, tease him (she's a bit of a tomboy), play with him, call him, she gave him expensive gifts and always gives him load! I'm worried because me and my bf always fight and they always laugh together. I'm afraid he might fall in love with her (I trust him, I don't trust myself on the way I treat him) what do I do? I wanted to break up with him because of her, I can't really stand it but I can't bear to leave him. what should I do? :(
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (7 January 2012):
 If I were to hazzard a guess I'd say that your possessiveness is the cause of the problem here not this friend.
Possessive people are very demanding people and the more work you are for him, the more appealing this friend is going to be.
You cannot order him to be more interested in you any more than you can order someone to be happy. You must inspire him by being a fun, confident and easy going person, like the person you probably were when you first met.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012): well if he is always happy with her and not you, then thats not right, he can have bestfriends that are girls but that doesnt mean that he should leave you out... and i think that his bestfriend does like him as more then a friend... plus the reason that you are so angry and upset is cause you are afraid of losing him...
you should talk carmly to him and say that you dont wanna fight with him, you just wanna talk about how you feel, about him not noticing you and spending most of his time with this girl and when his not still talking to her... plus ask him what he what he really thinks of her?
just try and talk carmly to him... i hope that helps :/
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A
female
reader, aliyahnangelo  +, writes (6 January 2012):
 This is difficult to answer. Instead of jumping off the deep end and fighting with him, maybe you can try to explain why it makes you so upset and ask him how he would like it if you had a guy friend the way that he has this chick friend. I'm sure he wouldn't love it. But also being possessive is most of the time not an admirable quality, but its hard not to act like that when jealousy kicks in. Obviously if he sees that this bothers you and still goes on with her like this then maybe he doesn't care about you the way that you think he does. also if this girl is really his friend then she should also respect that he has a girlfriend and she should be more courteous to your feelings as well.When ur friends with a member of the opposite sex that is in a relationship, it is respectful to have boundaries. I know that I never wanted to cause tension in any of my guy friends' relationships. It sounds to me like maybe all three of you should work on respecting eachother and some boundaries as well. Like I said though...try to talk to ur bf calmly and maybe try doing the same with this girl.Just nicely tell her that you know that they are friends and you're ok with it but you feel that she's stepping on your toes a bit, and ask her how she would feel in your shoes. If it still doesn't work...you have to break it off. Good luck
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