A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years now. We've been through so much together, our relationship has been nothing but a crazy roller coaster ride! It all began 4 years ago, at the very beginning of our relationship. At the time I was just 16 years old and my parents didn't know or even ok with the idea of me having a boyfriend...so we obviously didn't see each other much. Anyways..one day he calls me and tells me we need to talk. He told me that he had been talking to his 'best friend' that day and how it started making him think about our relationship. Basically, his 'best friend' convinced him that a) I didn't really love him, b) I wasn't putting much of an effort into the relationship and c) that he deserved better. I always thought this best friend of his was a male but after hearing all that I started to second guess the whole thing and thought that this person was a female who either in the past had or now has feelings towards him. So I did what I had to do and found out it was none other than his ex of 3 years who clearly hasn't moved on. I'm not the type of person to believe that two exes can be best friends but oh well! I told him I had a problem with their friendship and he swore they would stop talking to avoid jeopardizing our relationship..only to find out that they were still seeing each other! He would go to her house or she would go over to his. They went to parties together, got tattoos done together! And how did I find out about everything?! Through facebook!! She would post old pictures. Of them and even write captions like "my number one forever.." So I sent her a message letting her know that I didn't appreciate what she was doing. She sent me back a message saying that she wasn't over him and feels that I took her place when she was the one that broke up with him! Over the past 4 years, I've found text messages..facebook messages..and whenever I confront him about it he always promises that he's gonna end it and nothing ever happens but when I do something about it he gets pissed at me..after everything she's done! I found out that up to this day they're still talking and whenever I bring it up he just tells me not to worry about her or keeps asking why I'm always bringing up her name. I don't know what else to do! HELP!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): Are you sure you want to be in a relationship with someone that's not so respectful to you? Does he love you truly? Why are you with him? How do you feel when you're with him? Are you constantly wondering about the other woman? You deserve to be with someone that's truly only wiht you. I was in a relationship with a guy who was constantly attentive to another woman cause he felt she needed him (get this...she was married and had teen age kids)to "help around the house" (like uh what happened to the husband she married, right?). Everytime we went out on a date, she would call him and he would go after her. That's not what you want sweetie. We ended the relationship and I never looked back. I did meet another guy and he's treating me 100 percent better and more. I am lucky to have someone so loving and wonderful in my life. I know you will too. You are young and sound very grounded and smart and you will find someone who will treat you with the utmost respect and love that you deserve. Believe in yourself and your dreams. Be the best person that you can be. Love yourself first and figure out what do you want. What kind of person do you want to be to the man you will marry. What kind of man do you want as a partner, a best friend, a husband, a lover, and father to your children (not necessarily in that order). But remember, if you wish to be married some day, figure out what you want. Grow to be the beautiful person you are meant to be. You deserve only the very best.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Hi. I can imagine how hurt and frustrated it must make you feel because he wont stop contact with her. It was wrong of him to keep meeting up with her behind your back. Thats as good as cheating really. And it was wrong of him to promise to stop contact with her. Then carry on having it. She is a threat and has already damaged your relationship with him. But at the end of the day the fault is all your partners. He could have refused to meet up with her but he didnt. He could have kept his promise to you and ceased contact with her but he didnt. She may have told you that she wasnt over him. But its clear he isnt over her yet either.This puts you in a very difficult position and its understandable that you will feel the relationship is unstable and he isnt 100% committed to you. My partner was still in contact with his ex for the first 2 years of our relationship. She made things difficult for us and was the cause of many disagreements. I blamed her for a long time but it became obvious it wasnt her fault really. She was just being HER. It was my partners fault for allowing her to behave as she did. It was him forcing a wedge between us because for whatever reason he couldnt finally give her up and move on. So i did what i hope you will do. Sat him down and explained very simply that i wasnt prepared to be in a triangle of his making. I told him i wanted a break while he either finished up his business with her so we could move on. Or, if he wasnt prepared to do that, i would leave them to get on with their 'relationship' and move on myself! Id put up with their nonsense for 2 years, so i think he was a little shocked at first. But within a couple of days he told her there wouldnt be any contact again and i know he has kept his word... Because she has the cheek to contact me now and then, asking why he wont see or talk to her anymore!Its made things much better between myself and my partner as hes finally giving our relationship the attention it deserves. I suggest you try doing the same with your partner. He has to make a decision x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): He sounds like scum to me, but that's my opinion. He's not respecting you by not severing his ties with the ex especially with him knowing fully well that you were not comfortable with the fact that he's still tied to her. You deserve way better than that. I bet you there's someone out there who's far more likely 10 times better...loves you and respects you...is nicer and sexier and is totally 100 percent into you and only you. The only thing is he's out there. It's up to you. That's my opinion.
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female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (12 December 2010):
 Break up with him. He will never stop contacting her and he will keep lying to you. You will always b wondering if he is getting back with her what she is saying to him.
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