A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationshipe with a younger man for 4 years now and he has recently been seconded abroad to work during the week and coming back at weekends. This was supposed to be for 3 months but now this has extended to six months and I am finding that when he now comes back at weekend I am feeling quite detached from him. Last week I told him that I was feeling very insecure and that the longer he is away abroad the more settled and attached he will get to the people he is dealing with there. He never tells me that he loves me or misses me when he is away and last week I said that he had to do something to make me feel less insecure and that after four years he should be able to express his feelings. He said that it was just the way he was. The other problem is that during the week the only time we talk is if I call him on my cheap line but he seems to have such a great social life that I can never get him in. Last night he called me on his mobile to say that he was going out in ten minutes if I wanted to ring him back. I texted him and said that I wouldn't bother phoning if he was rushing out as we hadn't spoken all week and didn't want to be timed. Well tonight he rang to say that he had missed the plane and was back in the office dealing with a problem on the job. I was very upset and said that I didnt believe him and that I thought he was now making a fool of me. I have just had copy emails from him from two people at work confirming that he had to work later in the office today and that they can't change his flight to get him back tomorrow. I know he has sent me copies of these but I am not sure I believe him but I don't know if he could make these emails up himself and then forward them to me.I feel very confused as if it is genuine work problems I am in the wrong for getting on to him. My other feeling is that he may have met someone whilst there and spending the weekend with her.Help please!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen I read this I felt it was me who had sent the message. I have been in the relationship now for 9 years with a much younger man which never seemed to be a problem, and I sent a message to Dear Cupid exactly 4 years ago with similarinsecurities to yours as he was travelling abroad a lot then and like your phone calls we only spoke when I called him on a cheap line and quite often I couldn't get him in and his mobile was always off. Once when he came back and I was taking his washing out of his case I found a pile of condoms which he said were what he had when we started our relationship!! Does he be open about his work colleagues when he goes out with them, or keep his work life separate. Take all this into account. It has now all come up to bite me 9 years on as I have always given him the benefit of the doubt and I have now found some rather disturbing stuff on his phone with some foreign lady who I believe he may have met when he was travelling, so if I were you I would really sit down with him and ask him to be honest and don't be like me 9 years into the relationship with someone I am not sure that I really know. Follow your gut instinct. Wish I had 4 years ago! Hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2008): Long Distance relationships are hard, I know, I'm in one! If I was in your position, I would be thinking exactly how you are! It's difficult not to! But showing him your insecurities and letting yourself be vulnerable, may be a turn-off to him. If you don't trust him, then trust your gut-feeling.
When trust is lost in a relationship, everything else is lost too. I understand you want so much to believe him...but don't ignore your gut. I wish I could give you more advice...but that's all I've got!
LDR's sure are difficult! Good Luck!
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