A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married and divorced and have a child from my previous marriage.I have a boyfriend of 3 1/2 years. We have been living together for the last 1 1/2 years in his house - I do have my own house. He has also previously been married. He says he does not want to get married ever again or if he considers it will not be until children have left home 10 yrs plus.He says it is so old fashioned but that is what I want short to medium term. I find his decision quite hurtful and it makes me feel insecure.It has caused many arguments. Am i being unreasonable. Should i walk away from the relationship. We get on very well until the marriage subject is mentioned.
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female
reader, cashy +, writes (7 September 2012):
I'm in a similar situation only my partner proposed to me almost 3 years ago,we booked the wedding and I even got my dress,unfortunately we had to cancel due to financial circumstances but since then our finances have changed but now my partner says that marriage is just a piece of paper and that he doesn't feel the need to marry,I love him but I too am thinking of walking away as I feel if you truly love someone you commit to them
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): Hi there
I tend to agree with Pong'lung. I too have been divorced and have a child, I now have a boyfried of 1.5 years. He is recently divorced with no children. He is adamant that he doesn't want to ever marry again. For a while I thought he didn't love me, but his other actions suggest otherwise. In the end, you need to decided whether or not to take the risk to be with the person you love now, or take the plunge and leave him to find someone who is prepared to marry you. It works both ways - if you love him, don't pester him to get married again. And two - if he loves you, what's the big deal? You both have assets, so he's not risking anything financially. Definitely once bitten twice shy. And remember - marriage is no guarantee of committment. There are lots of unfaithful husbands out there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): Hi thereI tend to agree with Pong'lung. I too have been divorced and have a child, I now have a boyfried of 1.5 years. He is recently divorced with no children. He is adamant that he doesn't want to ever marry again. For a while I thought he didn't love me, but his other actions suggest otherwise. In the end, you need to decided whether or not to take the risk to be with the person you love now, or take the plunge and leave him to find someone who is prepared to marry you. It works both ways - if you love him, don't pester him to get married again. And two - if he loves you, what's the big deal? You both have assets, so he's not risking anything financially. Definitely once bitten twice shy. And remember - marriage is no guarantee of committment. There are lots of unfaithful husbands out there.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (1 January 2008):
 Once bitten, twice shy.
Having been divorced myself, I'm reticent about tying the knot again. If YOU must be married, maybe you should move on. You can't force someone to do something they're not comfortable with. JMHO.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (1 January 2008):
 It's really tough when you want different things. Marriage isn't the be all end all, and if you want to be with someone, you shouldn't have to get married, after all it's just a day out and a piece of paper.
But I totally understand where you're coming from. I don't see alot of point to marriage, because you're committed either way, but I hope to get married one day.
I think as he has been there before, he's obviously feeling cynical about the whole thing. I lost faith in the whole idea of marriage for a while when my parents split up, I thought, 'what's the point? It'll only end up in divorce'.
But when you're sure you love someone, and you've been together long enough that the lust has worn off and you still love them, there's no reason not to go for it.
You need to really make your boyfriend understand how important it is to you, and WHY. Write it down, let him read it in his own space and his own time. No arguements, shouting or tears.
If he is still adamant he doesn't want marriage, you need to think whether you could settle for the possibility of never getting married to him, or whether you feel it would be best to walk away.
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