| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years and in a few months we are both moving to the same city for work (we lived in the same city for 3 years, pretty much next door to one another then have been long distance this last year).Our relationship is great in almost every way, we never argue, share a lot of the same beliefs and values and have a lot of fun together, and he generally treats me well. However, he doesnt want to live with me when we move, even though it makes so much sense. Its not like we have other people to live with. Well he has a few friends who live there - he doesnt even like them that much though, but I would end up living with strangers which I think is really unfair. We are both 23. It just feels like a kick in the teeth that after 4 years, he isn't ready for this step in our relationship - its not like I'm proposing marriage or anything and the thing is, we would have no problems living together as we have spent extended periods of time together in the past with no problems and we get on really well.He does other similar things. He isn't keen on planning things in the future with me, such as holidays, and its as if he is trying to retain a sense of independence from me, but at my expense. For instance, this last year we have been long distance but it didn't have to be that way! I had the opportunity to study in his city but he preferred I didn't go there as he 'didn't want us to be depending on each other so much' or something - but I thought couples should try and be together if possible??? Its just starting to make me feel like I'm not important in his life...even though I know I am...its just really frustrating. Am I being unreasonable and should I just back off?
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female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (30 July 2008):
 You have to decide how long you are prepared to wait for him to be ready. I dont think he will change in the near future. If you can live like this and he is worth it then accept it for now but have the discussion again in 6 months time and if its still no then maybe think about moving on x
A
female
reader, topsy turvy  +, writes (30 July 2008):
This is tricky. You need to sit down and talk with him. It sounds like you may have already done that. Dont focus so much on staying together. He might have some values that he isnt sharing with you. I personally would wait until we were getting married to worry about moving in. I would say back off and continue enjoying your lives as a couple and as individuals.
Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (30 July 2008):
 Definitely back off. The thing is...it's not that he doesn't love you. So don't take it personally. Men need their space and are frighten that their women will be clingy and take their freedom away.
You both are very very young. If you want him to show more attention to you. The best way is not to give him attention. I know it sucks but that's how men are. Since he doesn't want to move in together. Accept it...don't pressure him and live your life.
You have to act like He's lucky to have you in your life..and not the other way around. Us women always cater to our men because we love them..trust me..i' was one of those. Now I know. good luck
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