A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend watches porn whenever I leave the house. We live together and are rarely apart. He told me he threw out all his porn, which he did, but the history on his cpu (which I use for work) says he was watching it last week, in the middle of the day while I was at a play with my mom! Its like any chance he gets when I'm not around he's on there! We have a great sex life, but I strongly believe that guys who watch porn have a twisted sense of reality when it comes to sexual relationships with "real" women.Do I confront him, or suck it up and be glad he's not cheating too?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): Communication is always important so let him know how you feel. But understand that guys watch porn simply to get off; there is no emotion invested. I know my girlfriend wouldn't want quickies at the oddest hours of the day, so that's why I watch porn.
I wouldn't worry so much, unless he's watching the following:
- illegal stuff (kiddie porn, bestiality)
- extremely violent [where the girl doesn't enjoy it, so S&M is okay] (study says guys that get off of that are dangerous, too lazy to google that study)
- live chats (cuz then he's actually interacting with a live person...although in some cultures: if you pay for it, it's not cheating)
random tidbit: a friend of mine found her husband's porn collection. She then role played some of the scenarios that happened to see what reaction she would get. apparently it was priceless, and good times.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): I say never leave the house, that should take care of it.....kidding....As long as he is still having sex with you, I think it is not hurting anything, but if he does it when you are there in the next room a real live woman, then that is a problem, it's rude and hurtful.....see the difference?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): don't worry about it…you and porn are separate…if he's horny and you're not around he's gonna wanna fulfill that drive…don't you ever masturbate? porn just helps it along a bit…give the guy a break…i
'd say you can get annoyed when he starts masturbating to porn when you're at home…say if you were to catch him at that…or if he fools around w/ another woman…at least its porn and not another chick…and at least its not gay or some freaky fetish porn (hopefully)
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (29 January 2009):
If he was that sick and twisted then surely your sex life would not be so good.
I agree that too much porn can isolate some men from real women, especially if they are young and inexperienced. BUT he is old enough and bright enough to use a computer and therefore I am guessing he can tell the difference between fantasy and reality. Just in the way you know the difference between romantic Disney, and real relationships.
If you are not happy about it then tell him you saw it on the internet history and ask him why he still likes to use it. Are you saying that you NEVER masturbate? And that you never think of little fantasy men in your head? It's probably the same for him. He needs to see a throw away fantasy women for a bit of self indulgent fun every now and then.
Show him how to delete the history on your computer and if you don't know about it then it won't bother you. God knows I wouldn't like to know if my husband had looked at anything like that. A little denial about your significant other's sexual thoughts never did any harm.
Good Luck!! xx
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