A
female
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anonymous
writes:I need some help. My bf is soooo stubborn and selfish when he is upset/angry/stressed. I can't handle how he behaves when he doesn't get his way, or isn't in a good mood because I feel like he takes it out on me, and he withdraws from me which leads me to feel like he doesn't love me anymore.What can I do? I've told him how much it hurts me when he does this and hes said sorry and that he understands but its just 'who he is' and he cant change it. He uses the excuse that different people deal with anger and their emotions in different ways, this is just how he deals with his, so I should accept it.I don't knwo what to do. I don't feel liek I can go on feeling upset and unloved everytime he has a bad day. I've tried ignoring him and treaitng him badly like he does to me, when im upset ,to see how he feels but it only lasts like 5 minutes before I feel to guilty and bad for treating him lke that, so I stop, so my plan never really works. We have been going out for 5 months. Any ideas/advice? Please!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): Well this sounds so similar to the way my ex boyfriend used to behave towards me only I unfortunately was very patient with him and put up with this sort of behavior for 3 years and I accepted this was the way he was,
But unfortunately,
this in the end this made me very unhappy now that its over I’ve never been happier to be honest,
Ok its true people have moods and get angry ok that is normal however to the extent your partners taking his emotions it would have a negative affect on your time together so that your not enjoying your time together as a couple that’s not right that’s not how things should be you shouldn’t be feeling unloved at this stage you’ve only been 5 months,
You will find unless he starts to change his attitude towards you might have to have out of the relationship your not supposed to be his councilor your supposed to be his lover theirs a big difference,
You deserve to be treated well and to be his priority as well,
Take care of yourself
A
female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (2 July 2007):
One question – is this every time he’s had a bit of a bad day, or is it just recently or after a really bad day? This is important, because whilst it’s true that every relationship involves putting up with some unreasonable behaviour, it shouldn’t be all the time. We all behave badly occasionally, no one is perfect. But if treating you badly is his standard way of coping with an average bad day, that is not acceptable. We all have bad days, but we do not all behave like a sulky teenager. Saying “it’s just my way”, is no excuse at all. We could all say that couldn’t we? Is it OK to lie and cheat if it’s “just my way”? Is it OK to steal his wallet and spend the contents on new shoes if it’s “just my way of dealing with stress”? Of course it isn’t. Tell him, he needs to treat you better, or it’s over, and mean it.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (2 July 2007):
 I am going to disagree with Midge, with some caveats. Some people are under the impression that love is all choclates and roses and anything less is henious, love is also messy complicated and stress and strain and and sacrifice.
However, that doesnt mean you should give him carte blanche either. I think you need to get to the bottom of what is causing this or at least insist he makes strides to modify his behaviour. Unfortunatly he doesnt seem to think he has a problem (which from what you are saying he probably does) and if he continues in that vein you will have to consider leaveing him.
My rule of thumb is firm fairness and I think its important for you that you adopt this approach too. If you leave not having felt you have given him a chance then in all liklihood you will find it hard to get any kind of closure. Hope that helps. Take care.
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (2 July 2007):
 You have only been going out for 5 months and he makes you feel like this? Thats not love! Anyone who tells the other that they must "just accept it because its who they are" must be from the planet Zogg!
You dont have to "accept it"! If he is making you feel like this and telling him how he makes you feel doesnt do it either, then you really need to take a long look at what you want from a relationship and whether you are prepared to put up with this.
Personally I wouldnt put up with this from anyone no matter how much I loved them, because their disregard for how they make me feel, would tend to make me feel that they didnt love me and didnt care about me.
Yes you have to take the good with the bad in people however if they are constantly making you feel like nothing, then you should consider whether you want to be in a long term relationship with this person.
You may love him, but if he doesnt show you the respect that you deserve, then personally I would rather take my chances and leave. If he loved me, he would then make the effort to change, and would want to give the relationship another go.
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A
male
reader, anon3105 +, writes (2 July 2007):
hello i would ask him if he is having trouble at work sometimes when you have a bad at work u come home and take it out on ur friends or worse loved ones i would calmly ask him if he`s under more pressure i`m a man with a gf and i do that to her sometimes but i always apologise and give her cuddles and kisses and tell her sorry and now i leave work problems at work
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