A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I'm pretty sure there may be lot's of questions like this here, and pardon if you're tired of hearing it ^^;What do I do, if my affectionate boyfriend suddenly says that he does not love me as much as he used to?Last night, he told me that he still loves me, but is slowly falling out of it. He told me that he no longer wanted to hurt me. Long story short, our relationship is a bit complicated. We've been together for almost two years, he is very good to me, and deeply cares about me (possibly loves me more than I love him). Since I struggle with depression, majority of the time it's the reason why we argue, and he's been really understanding up until this point. We kind of discussed what we both need to do to change, but it's hard for me to look at him the same way after he told me all of that (I still love him, it's just..really hard).He has really inspired me to think positively of myself, and I have been progressing slowly to get better.I'm sorry for the rambling, but please feel free to ask questions (I feel that I didn't explain myself as well as I should have). Thank you! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 I sense this relationship is toxic and unhealthy. End it so u can focus on ur personal issues. Good luck.
A
male
reader, fzald +, writes (18 February 2013):
I can really relate well to your situation as well as your boyfriend's feelings. I previously dated a girl who suffered from depression. We were together for 4 years. During that time I did everything I possibly could to be there for her, care for her, help her get the help she needed and so on. In the end, though, she never got any better, and there came a point where I burned out and just couldn't keep putting myself through it.I'm not saying this to discourage you or anything - in fact, I believe there's still a great chance for this relationship to work. But it's going to take a lot of effort on both your parts. You mentioned suffering from depression and that it causes arguments between you two. Why is this? What sorts of things do you end up arguing about? Is your depression clinical (as in chronic) or just situational? Do you work with a counselor at all?If you have had depression for a while and it has been causing arguments between the two of you, and especially if he's been so understanding as you said, I see his comment more as just a sign that he's starting to burn out. Us guys will go to the moon and back for a girl we love, with the only desire being to make her happy. But if we try and try and try and she's still not happy, there does come a point where we throw up our hands and say "where did I go wrong!" I think your BF still loves you and if you are working on improving your well-being you'll not only be a lot happier yourself but he'll see the effort and he will know how hard you're trying for not only yourself but for you two as a couple. In the end what most guys want from a relationship with someone a girl they love is just to be able to make a difference in her life for the better, to be a positive force in her life. So, what you should do is first spend some time doing serious introspection and understanding your own depression and how it affects you emotionally. Then, talk to your boyfriend and make it very clear that you're committed to working this out for you and for your relationship. Then follow this up with visible progress. Like I said, if you work with a counselor, bring your counselor into this - he/she could be an invaluable resource. If you don't see a counselor, I know it's cliche but you might consider seeing one, even if you look for a relationship specialist who can help you and your boyfriend work through these times.I'll leave you with a little tip that my girlfriend and I have been using. If either of us is getting to that point where we know an argument could start, we will say a pre-agreed word or phrase which is completely out of context. It's sort of a "safe word." - it's the signal that if things keep going the way they are, a fight is going to happen, so the best thing to do is to either back off and just go off and cool down for a bit, or at the very least change the subject and talk about something else. We've avoided countless fights this way!!!Best of luck! I can give some further comments if you reply.
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