A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and we have a wonderful relationship. In the beginning I wasn’t too sure about him but now I'm very sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I know that he feels very strongly about me, and he’s said that losing me would be the worst thing that could ever happen to him.Although he's said that he can see himself spending the rest of his life with me, he's also said that he doesn’t believe in marriage. He says that there’s no reason two people can’t commit to each other and live together happily without marriage. I don’t agree with this and I want marriage one day. He says that he ‘may’ want it one day. He always avoids talking about it too.I am really scared now. I am falling more and more each day and I am scared that he doesn’t feel the same. To me, the fact that he doesn’t see marriage in his future tells me that I’m not good enough for that and that for him I’m not ‘it.’ In my view not being married gives people an escape plan should something better come along.I can’t enjoy the here and now knowing that there is a possibility that one day he’d rather lose me than marry me. It scares the hell out of me.I wanted to tell him how I feel, not ask about marriage or anything…just tell him how I feel so that he knows. Should I do that? Or should I just keep quiet and hope for the best?He’s 26, I’m 27, and I’m his first serious/long-term girlfriend. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): thanks for your answers
I would never force him into anything, it would have to be his own choice.
to anonymous, I understand what you're saying. my BF knows a few guys who recently got divorced and got stuffed around by the law, so that's not helping here either.
I suppose I'll just have to tell him how I feel, that's all.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): I don't know your boyfriend, but a lot of American men these days are against marriage for legal reasons.
All the most anti-marriage guys I know are not the ones with relationship commitment problems. They are the ones who have been through a divorce before.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (8 July 2010):
 If you don't say anything, you're going to be miserable wondering and worrying about where the relationship is going. He's been with you for a long time and has yet to change his mind, so I doubt he'll ever truly want to get married. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, but you need to decide if marriage is more important than the relationship itself. If you do talk him into getting married while the issue is still unresolved, he may only go through with it to make you happy while not being enitrely ready to do so. That's only going to cause even more problems, so talk to him about it now. If you really want to spend the rest of your life with him, you may have to compromise.
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