A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been going out with my boyfriend for 9 months now,but I'm having problems with one of his friends. his friend knew my bf before i did. they used to spend quite a lot of time hanging together with the rest of their friends.when we first got together his friend was always really nasty about me and said to some people "why is he with HER" about me and things like me and my bf are closer than a finger and thumb. Comments like this really upset me because I've never done anything to his friend and i wondered what he meant by them. well since then my bf spends less time with his mate, and the rest of his mates so it looks to them like I've taken him away from them even though i never told him not to speak to them and i never even told my bf about what his friend used to say about me. now my bf doesn't even speak to his mate at all, and i can't help think this is because of me and they have all made me out to look like the bad one. i mean if this happened to a girl people would say that the guy has caused her to isolate herself from all her friends. is this the same, am i doing this to my bf- because i don't want him to stop talking to his mates. what do i do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2007): Your bf has made a choice to be with you, rather than his friends. Why do you think that is?? Here's my take on all this--It's plain to see...your bf cares about 'your' feelings and he loves/respects you. The choice to stop talking to his mates was his action. Not yours. I give him credit...he is also learning something very noble about how to conduct a mature, decent relationship with a person he cares about. And it has to all do with one word...respect. His friends are nasty, petty people who don't respect you, nor like you. And for no apparent reason. That is their problem...not yours. Maybe your bf has had his eyes opened up to the type of people they are. The best thing you can do is ignore the meaness of these people and be gracious and nice. Do not ever say a bad word about them, and keep showing your maturity and good character. That...is what your bf is taking note of about you. Don't worry about and try not to let it get to you. Be happy and don't waste your thoughts, feelings and emotions on perople who don't care about others. It's just pettiness, on their part. Next time you see them, just keep being your nice self....but realize, if your bf is drifting away from them--it's not because of you, it's because of them and the way they disrespected him and you. Now, go be happy with him..he sounds like a great guy.
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