A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and uncles. I had posted a couple weeks ago, asking a question about my bf not saying "I love you" because he'd rather make me feel loved.(which is a good thing) But I guess I've been feeling like hes really been putting me on the back burner, so to speak. I have two other questions. A little background. We met after I left my ex of almost 8 years. At the time, I was living 4 hours south of where I do now.My bf goes to school there and I was working two jobs. We used to be more spoiled and spend more time together there. When we first met, things were very casual between us as we both had a lot going on in our lives. I knew that I would eventually have to move, almost from the get go and I knew how busy he would be from the start, or at least I thought I did Lol. But tgings became more serious than either of us expected. Fast forward to our current situation. His home is only about 1.5-2hour drive from my house as I moved 4 hrs north of where I used to be. I live closer to where he and his family live as opposed to the uni he attends. We usually talk and text at least once a day, and see each other once or twice a week. Or we had been. Now it feels like I'm reaching out to him more than he does, he really is busy, but things have been insane for me and I still make time. I needed him more this week, and it seems to be when he was most busy so maybe that's why I feel this way. We haven't seen each other in over two weeks, which is strange. He's also going to be leaving for 6 weeks to study abroad for summer, he's taking 12units in 6 weeks so that is pretty crazy. He works for his family when he is home and they demand a lot of him.I guess I feel like he really doesn't have time for me, But he really doesn't at the moment. Maybe part of it is adjusting to not seeing him as much. I'm also so true I lean on him too much. He's my best friend, so I go to him first. How do I adjust and d3al with it? Should I tell him and potentially add more stress?Or should I just leave it? He's also leaving for a whole semester next year, but its only a 6/7 hour drive, so that isn't totally unmanageable.Another thing is family. Its ironic in a way because he has brought up eventually moving in together and being together, but I haven't met his parents. He hasn't made time to meet my dad either, though he says he wants to. He has met my mom though, and I've met his cousin and brother. In really not used to this though, with other people I have dated I had met their families after a year and half... So this is different.My last relationship was also a very bad one. My bf now treats me amazingly. I've never been treated so well. He talks to me. He NEVER yells. He is sweet to me. I've cooked for him a lot and in turn he has filled my fridge with groceries. He encourages me, and makes me, I feel, a better person. He never tears me down. He helps me clean the house at times if th8ngs habe been crazy and he comes to visit when I haven't been home. (I work, take care of my mom, and also have children with my ex- he's also my ex husband, and I have had to deal with a myriad of issues with the ex)My boyfriend has always been supportive. He has never ever made any rude comments about me being divorced or having children. He's never judged me. He's just been my rock when I needed him to be.So while we do have to spend this time apart and even though I have not met his parents, I want to be with him and figure out how to deal with all this time spent apart. Thank you very much and I'm sorry for such a long post. (I'm also typing this on my phone)
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female
reader, Need2vent +, writes (2 July 2018):
Sometimes I feel that old anxieties from past relationships can make their way into a new one. Having distance in a relationship is never easy, but not impossible to manage. Let him know how you are feeling, and suggest having a 1 hour Facetime date every week to catch up, or perhaps setting a date to meet the parents. He can't fix an issue that he doesn't know about
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2018): What exactly is making him so busy before he moves away for a whole semester? Is he in the middle of an exam period? It sounds like you two are lacking in communication. Why don't you suggest spending time together on the weekend. Talk to him. Casually ask what he has been busy with lately. If you guys really are serious and if he sees a future with you, he should not get scared away if you ask what is happening. At the end of the day, we say we are too "busy" for people we don't want to allocate our time towards. As you said, you have been very busy too, but still made time. It is natural for you to expect the same. If he is going through a particularly hectic time then he should tell you and perhaps you could be considerate of that. Bottom line, you need to be on the same page. If he blows you off in a "see you when I see you" kind of way, then perhaps you should re-evaluate things. You want to have enough self-worth to not be only needed when it is convenient. I think you also need to talk to him about what is going to happen when he moves away, because it sounds like there is a lot of confusion going on from your side over lack of certainty. Again, if you have a serious relationship then this conversations needs to be had at some point. Best wishes.
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