| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I've been going out with this really sweet guy for about 6 weeks and its going great, we really like each other and tell each other often. However its kind of long distance and he wants to call me every night without fail and is revolving his life around me already. Is this normal after 6 weeks?? I liked it at first but now I'm feeling a bit under pressure and its becoming a bit too routine-like and predictable! I don't know what to do because I don't want to hurt his feelings, he is quite sensitive... I just want to keep things interesting/exciting between us! He doesn't do it in a posessive way, and the things he says to me are lovely, but I feel he is quite insecure and needy and needs too much of my time. Is there anyway to change this? I do really like him.
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male
reader, Johnnybbad  +, writes (21 July 2008):
 It is not normal in the first six months. It does not show that he loves you and it WILL change as time goes by.... it will get worse. The guy is trying to control you so say adios at your next possible chance. Good luck.
A
male
reader, Johnnybbad +, writes (19 July 2008):
The more you try to let him down gently the more clingy he will become. He is relying on you heavily because he feels socially inadequate. Get rid of him as soon as you can or it could get quite ugly. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): No you can't change him. That's just how he is. I know because I am older and experienced and I have dated clingy guys before esecially when I was around your age. You can't change them. Only they can change themselves.
He probably is really insecure and majorly lacking in social skills. You shouldn't feel like you have to explain to someone to "back off" in a relationship. He wouldn't get it if you tried. He doesn't understand the concept of respecting your space and not revolving his life around you, if anything, atleast out of respect for both you and himself. That's something he may realise only after years of going through failed relationships. But the only way he can realise it is on his own. You know the old saying "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." You can explain it to him, but it doesn't mean he will change.
One thing I've noticed about guys who are clingy like that, is that they have double standards. They will impose themselves on you, even if its annoying to you (they can't see themselves), and nice girls will tolerate it and try to be undersanding. But, ironically, they would have no tolerance for you if you were clingy like that on them.
I personally think his clinginess is disrespectful and I think you can do way better. I know its hard to make sense of this simply because he is so "sweet" and "loving." But in reality, he is unrightly crossing your boundaries and personal need for space. Follow your gut. You know its telling you that something doesn't feel right about it. Its because something is not right about it. What he is doing is wrong. A guy either is or isn't right for you. That's it. And in this case, your doubts about him are indication that he's probably not right.
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A
male
reader, Mjozi  +, writes (19 July 2008):
 It normal during first few MONTHS, I shows that he loves you, he will change when time goes by, I am also like that! I just happens without me knowing.
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