A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a real mess and want to stop with what I'm doing... A while back, few months, my boyfriend told me that he met up with his ex oneday and she asked if they could kiss one last time, and they did. I was so hurt by this, since we've been together for three years now. I told him that I forgave him, but now I found myself obsessed with his ex. I'm really up to the point of stalking her. I really want to tell her what I think and feel, but I promised my boyfriend that I wouldn't confront her. He doesn't know about me stalking her. What hurts me the most is that she tried so hard to be my friend at that stage, and I fell for it since I don't have a lot of friends. I don't trust anyone anymore and thus lost all my friends. I love my man very much and want to stop this obsessive behaviour before it ruins our relationship. Please, does anyone have advice for me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx for your answers guys. I have been going through hell with this. I have decided to just let it go. He asked me to forgive him because he loves me. He also told me that he doesn't want to have secrets kept from me and thats why he told me about the kiss. I love him too much to let this destroy us. We are engaged now. I just have to learn how to be the big girl that I am... Thank you!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010): His ex is not the problem, he is. If he is still harboring feelings for his ex then you would be wise to end the relationship with him as he really isn't emotionally available to you.
So why the heck are you stalking her, because she tried to be your friend? She may have thought she could handle that and then found out she couldn't, so she made a mistake, still she did nothing to hurt you...it is him that wanted to kiss her or he wouldn't have.
If all we are talking about is a kiss, then I think your reaction is very extreme and it makes me wonder if you are actually psychologically healthy enough to be in a relationship. If you are that insecure and you are willing to tolerate bad behavior or cheating from your boyfriend, then you are dependent, not in love.
I think you should force yourself to leave that girl alone and sit down somewhere alone and use your brain, THINK about what is going on here and who is actually making you uncomfortable and why you are so insecure.
It may be that you really need to end this relationship and you don't want to face it's over.
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer  +, writes (12 January 2010):
 You need to either forgive him, or forget him. The stalking needs to quit immediatly before you get arrested. You feeling are justified, but you have to move on. So like I said before, either forgive him, and let him go.Good Luck!Jeff
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