A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend finds it hard to make me come. I find him sexy in bed, so that is not a problem.I need oral stimulation as well as nipple stimulation at the same time to reach climax and I have told him but just when he does that and i'm about to come, he always moves his hand away leaving me frustrated. I have tried asking him to do it again and told him i'm about to come. I have wondered if maybe he just cant hear me when i say i'm about to come or that he should carry on, so i have physically moved his hand back to where it needs to be, but he just pulls it away! I have spoken to him about it quite a lot, as he seems anxious to make me come. What confuses me is that he always stops when he knows that I'm about to come and then gets upset that I haven't. It makes me think he actually doesn't want me to. He cant be doing it on purpose as I've never heard of a man who doesn't want a woman to come.He seems to be obsessed with the idea that he is feeling inadequate because I don't come. He also mentions that I take ages, but that is because he's not doing what I need. I have told him how he can make me come, yet it still never happens. As I said he always stops doing what he's doing, when i get really excited and starts doing something else that is mildly exciting, but not what I need to climax. I have developed a complex about it now. Sometimes after he has come he keeps going on me and tries to make me come and this way he has succeeded about three times but only by using a vibrator. However this method laves him feeling inadequate. Also I don't feel that good after he has come and feel that he is half hearted at this point. I find it all so confusing and just wondering if anyone can see anything that we are doing wrong? I mean it cant be lack of communication as I have explained a few times and he seesm to get it but at the heat of the moment he seems to not understand at all. Can it just be lack of understanding on his part? How can i make him understand?
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (13 November 2012):
 Whoa. That update changes a LOT of things. I definitely agree with the anon poster who said he has a mental disorder. I don't know what his game is, but that is borderline emotional abuse. Breaking up with you and saying you have to "prove yourself?" This guy sounds psychotic. You should find someone who actually cares about you enjoying yourself, rather than using your orgasm to manipulate you and make you feel bad about yourself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): Have you tried being on top? I find that helps when I am having troubles climbing on top really helps. I am able to grind on him so that it stimulates me the way I need, and sometimes he helps by pinching my nipples, and if he is lost in the moment then I am able to do what I need to do to myself which makes him even hotter.
Good luck hun I wish you all the best and I hope this has helped in even a small way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012): I think i need to add some more details:
It's not me that was obsessed with climax, as i like most women was happy to make sure he came and felt great just to have regular sexual stimulation and was hoping that after a while we would learn out each others bodies and what makes us tick.
We have only been together sexually for 6 months. We were friends for months before this and he has been after me for years, so i believed that he truly was serious about me. However he is obsessed with my lack of climax and says he feels it is a failing on his part and it seems to cause him extreme anxiety to the point that it is all he can talk about. He has said that he feels i don't love him enough and has walked away from me twice before, sending me test messages about how i should prove myself as a real woman. This has put the pressure on me to make sure i come, although it still doesn't work.
We have fallen out over this as he so obsessed that he cant even lay off when im i'll and thinks i'm making excuses even though it is as obvious as hell.
Another thing that confuses me is that he seems so anxious to make me come and but he sometimes when i say don't worry I'm happy to let him off the hook and let him sleep, after he has climaxed, he has made me angry by saying cockily "as long as the important person has come…" !
He has apologised profusely for this comment that seems to roll off his tongue straight after sex on around 3 occasions, yet he said it again the last time we had sex after we had a 3 week long argument and talked things through! Again he has apologised 'sincerely' but he has left me feeling doubtful about his sincerity.
I'm feeling manipulated and I wonder sometimes if he is tricking me t believe it is my climax he is interested in but he really is not. I really don't think its healthy to divide each others pleasure into who came when and how many times but his analysis of this and using it in our arguments to prove that i don't love him is driving me to despair.
I believe love grows over time and sex is just small part of that. Sex is used to express love but so many other ways to express love. He thinks it should just be or not. Two people should meet and come together instantly and that is love.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012): Watch the movie Expired with Jason Patrick. Men who do this typically have borderline pd.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012): It can still be lack of communication if you've explained things as clearly as you know how to yet he still doesn't understand.How about explaining again then ask him to repeat back to you the instructions so you can see if he really understands.Have you asked him WHY he stops when he does? What is he thinking? Maybe he is misreading your body language and thinks you're already finished? Maybe he thinks that it will feel painful or uncomfortable if he were to keep going? Another thing to try is to remove this expectation that he has to make you come, as this is causing so much anxiety. How about if he gets you close and then you help him finish you by using your own hand as well. Or you can even take over at that point and finish yourself while still involving him like kissing him or when he is holding you so he is still involved as a catalyst to making you come. Maybe this will lighten up the atmosphere and make it more laid back because it should be enjoyable and not a source of stress with personal worth (his) tied up in it and frustration involved.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 November 2012):
That's seriously bizarre. I'm wondering if it's a pat your head rub your belly kind of thing? It seems pretty physically difficult to stimulate your nipples WHILE giving oral, maybe you need to try stimulating your own nips while he goes down on you.
Explain it like what if you blue balled him every time you had sex, that would be totally maddening. Make sure he understands that's exactly what he's doing to you.
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