A
female
age
36-40,
*np1192
writes:Please Help.My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 months. Yesterday, he told me that he is married and has been for 3 years, but separated 6 months ago. Im not sure what to do. i love him so much, but the pain this has caused me is almost unforgivable. He said if I told him to he would divorce her, but if we dont get back together he will most likely stay. I cant eat or sleep.this is really killing me. Can someone please give me some advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2007): Hi - you say he is separated but then you mention about him staying (with his wife?) if you split up? Be careful that you are not the excuse, or the 'transition woman' with whom your boyfriend is making his exit from his marriage. He should have been very up front with you from the absolute outset. I was separated (living separately) from my husband when I met my boyfriend. He had no idea I was still technically married - so on the first date, before we'd kissed or anything I told him - I felt I owed it to him as he could then make a decision whether to continue as clearly I was in a much more complicated situation to him and it would have some impact on our relationship. This honesty made our relationship stronger. Unfortunately your boyfriend has not given you that opportunity / choice and you got involved before he had given you the full facts. This is an act of weakness on his part as if it suited him to wait until he thought you were 'his' to tell you - understandable but not acceptable - and you have to ask yourself do you want to be involved with this guy if he can just swap and change, stay or leave etc as he sees fit. It may be better for you to give you and him some breathing space - see what his next move really is. In the meantime show your own strength of character and seek emotional support in friends and family. I wish you luck.
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