A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, I have a big sex issue. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and though I've always know he has a low sex drive, recently our sex life has really been lacking. For the past 3 weeks, we have rarely been having sex, he acts like he's not really turned on, and neither of us will orgasm because he loses his erection halfway through. Sometimes I can get it back up but then he will lose it again. We are both very frustrated with the situation and it is affecting our love life. I confronted him about it and even though he assured me he loves me, etc, etc, he has become unexcited with our sex life and says he wishes I wasn't so "self-conscious" in bed. He told me that I don't do things to arouse him. Though we have no problem getting an erection, and I've been trying to be more spontaneous, it doesn't seem to be working. It makes me feel like it's all my fault and that he isn't attracted to me anymore. I am somewhat uncomfortable being naked and don't always take my shirt off during quick sex. Is this a problem? what can I do?
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female
reader, brokenangel28  +, writes (16 March 2011):
 I have a similar sex problem. My bf has made comments in the past about my boobs, butt, etc. and now I am totally self concious to the point that I wont take my shirt off at all! But he wont take it off either! Makes me feel like a prostitute...and the one time that I did take my shirt off, he lost his erection. So no way in hell Im gonna go through that embarassment again. At least your boyfriend tells you the problem though. My bf denies the facts and says that he "loves my body" and he cant understand why I feel like I disgust him, but it is he who put the ideas there to begin with! Why cant our men just appreciate what they have and realize that the Kim Kardashians of the world have lots of money to make themselves perfect, and if they want a plastic doll, Wal Mart still sells Barbie. We are real humans and America has made young women feel like they are never good enough! Men expect women to be perfect creatures but if we point out their flaws, forget about it! Society has a way of making you feel hopeless: you want a bigger butt and boobs, so you gorge yourself to get fat, but then you get a bigger waisteline, all for your bf to tell you that now, he wants a small waiste and boobs don't matter! Which one is it? Now that he has destroyed any self esteem you ever had, he changes his mind.
My advice to you is the same that I should take. Love your man, try to work it out, and if he still isn't happy with your sex life, then try to find someone else who will be.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010): Yes, this is a problem because you are both getting frustrated and anxious about it.
That doesn't mean it's impossible to fix though. First of all, you need to work on your self-esteem when naked, not for him but to make yourself feel better. And you'll need hoim to help with that. Sit down and be honest with each other and yourselves. Tell him why you're uncomfortable, and get him to tell you what he likes. Share with each other the aspects of sex you do and don't enjoy and open up to each other.
And y'know, don't ignore any criticisms he has out of hand unless they are truly ridiculous. Examining them and acting on some of them may show you things about yourself you weren't aware of and may add to both your long and short term happiness.
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