A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HiiI am 14 and my boyfriend is 17 i really like him but i think sometimes he is just wanting one thing. He always trys to put his hands down my trousers or up my top he can never just sit and be close and not touchy all the time he says he isnt just wanting sex but my friends say he is! i am a virgin and im kinda scared to hav sex incase its sore and that im not good enough my friends hav all had it and i feel stupid when they talk about it do u think i should just give my boyfriend what he wants and get it over and done with..! Advice pleez xxx Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI Know Exactly how you feel. i had a boyfriend when i was 14 n he was 17 n he was like this. i never gave him what he wanted and i dont regret it. if you feel someone only wants you for one thing he doesnt deserve it huni. Find some-one who is goin to appreciate what you want. Your too young to have sex it aint something you do because your friends have.. its suposed to be special so wait for the person who reeli cares n loves you enough to wait till your ready x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): Sex is serious and it's not something a female feels that she "must do". If a boy truly respects, cares and loves you, he won't pressure you to do something you don't believe in or aren't ready for. You have one horney bf there, hun who is letting you know exactly what he wants from you. You're treating this decision like one does when deciding what color of socks to wear for the day. That's not smart. dear. This is very, very serious so deciding whether it's right for you to have sex will be one of the most important decisions you'll ever make. Use your head-muster up your self respect, your worthiness and make a good sound, judgment and decide if it's really, truely the right time and with the right guy. Something tells me..it's not. Having sex with this guy means considering some very important things, like the possibility of becoming pregnant or getting a sexually transmitted disease. A baby is a lifetime committment and could hinder future goals for you. An STD could cause all sorts of medical problems that could affect your health, for a lifetime. Be very wise and smart right now..and think for yourself. Anyone who tries to pressure you into having sex by groping you and treating you like a sextoy isn't really looking out for you and what matters most to you. They're looking to satisfy their own selfish feelings and urges about sex. Though your body may feel ready for sex, the act of sex also has very serious emotional consequences. Many girls live to regret giving up their virginity so readily just to anyone. But understand the profound respeonsibility that goes with having sex. There is absolutely no 100%, surefire effective birth control method out there. Absolutely nothing.
As for your friends...who are not virgins. Why be like them. You can think for yourself here. Sometimes it seem like everyone in school is talking about who's a virgin and who isn't. The peer pressure can be intense, if you allow it. In reality..it's no one's business as virginity is such a private, personal thing and they should make you feel pressured into giving it away..just to say you did it. That's silly..no one should have control over you like that and even if you feel, yourself, you should be doing this...build your confidence up to learn to say no.
If you feel that you shouldn't have sex just because you're afraid you aren't good enough, this means you fear losing this boy, as a result. Then if you feel this way, it may be a good time to end this relationship. He's not the one for you. Sex should be an expression of love, not something a person feels that she must do to keep a boy. If a boy truly loves you, he will not pressure you to do something you aren't ready for yet.
Last words and read this carefully. When it comes to sex, there are two very important things to remember: one, that you are ultimately the person in charge of your own happiness and your own body; and two, you have a lot of time to wait until you're totally sure about it. If you decide to put off sex, it's OK - no matter what anyone says. Being a virgin is one of the things that proves you are in charge of you, in charge of your life. And it will show that you are powerful enough and mature to make your own decisions about your mind and body. Keep being strong and smarter than your friends, dear.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (5 September 2007):
 well first of all having sex with this boy would not only be illegal but would make him a satutory rapist and he will go to jail.
Secondly having sex because your mates have is stupid and pointelss as doing it at 14 is way to young and you may not fully understand it and its proberly best to wait for someone who is right for you.
Thirdlynever have sex just to get it over with if its your first time and it should be with the right person at the right time when you want to do it.
Im sorry to be patronising here but there are some many problems here. Tell your BF to wait until you are 16 or hes gonna go to jail.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): its all up to you. if you dont want it, dont do it. hes seventeen, so im guessing hes not a virgin which means hes already had it so basically hes not really missing out. you two should talk about it seriously and if you decide you want to, then go for it. i talked to my docter about it when i thought i was ready and she told me that its best to wait as long as you can, even though its completely up to you when you want to have sex. just make sure youre responsible and be careful, cause at fourteen a baby wouldnt be very convenient
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): You are clever enough to seek advice so i feel you know the answer, No, do not let him go further just to get it over or to just please him. You wait as long as you can and with someone that you know you want to sleep with because it feels right. You are 14 and have years and years ahead for having sex. Trust me as a mom of 4 teenage boys, dont let him unitl you are a bit older, please xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): No I don't think that is a good idea, and it does sound like he is using you. Wait until you're older and you have a boyfriend that truly cares about you. You'll regret it if you lose your virginity to a guy who is only using you for sex. And of course he is going to deny it, he is the kind of guy who would use you for sex, so he is the kind of guy to deny it until he gets what he wants from you. Also I'm pretty sure that it's illegal for him being 17 to have sex with a 14 year old minor..
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