A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is a British soldier who has served in Afghanistan twice and Iraq I know he has seen some terrible things as my brother is also in the army with him and has told me some of the horrors they've witnessed including their best friend being blown up in front of them and they then having to pick his body parts up. He's been home 3 weeks now and his drinking has been bad for years now but it seems worse now, his parent's owned a pub so he's been drinking since he was around 12 he's 28 now because of the pub his attitude is it's normal to drink 20+ pints when he goes out plus shots, when he's with me I manage to get him to drink round 5 but when he's away from me he's straight on the piss obviously I can't watch him 24 hours a day. When he's not drinking he's the nicest person you can meet but drunk I get abuse including being dumped for no reason, what hurts the most is the next day he doesn't remember so can't understand why I'm so upset with him. Like last night I Didn't finish work till midnight by 4am he's ringing me drunk constantly and dumped me by text again so I've had 2 hours sleep while he is likely sleeping, least I'm hoping so and he's not gone back out. I've no idea what to do the worst part I maybe pregnant with our first child after the condom split, I'm so worried and don't know what to do no more, I've tried telling him what it's doing to us but he doesn't seem to get it. I love him more than anything, most his friends don't wanna know because of his drinking and even his parents are starting to give up on him. Anyone got ideas how to approach this? I'm 23 and he's my longest relationship.
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (19 November 2012):
 The short answer is that you cannot cure your boyfriend's alcoholism by yourself.
If you want your boyfriend to get help, I suggest that you enlist his parents and perform some sort of intervention with him. His drinking, from what you have told us, is now a daily habit and more than likely he is an alcoholic who will need professional help to detox AND remain sober. His problems are WAY beyond what you can do for him, unfortunately.
I think it is time for an ultimatum, if you plan on staying with him: he needs to quit drinking. Explain to him that you love him and that you cannot live with him when he is a raging drunk. Insist that he get and seek help. If money is a problem, send him to Alcoholic Anonymous. AA is a free self-help group that has a decent success record. His chances of recovery are better, however, with professional help.
Again, I urge you to reach out to his parents and hopefully you can form a united front with them in getting your boyfriend sober.
Eddie
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012): "Anyone got ideas how to approach this?"
Translation: "How do I get him to stop drinking and be perfect?"
Answer: You can't.
You can't help anyone who does not want to help himself.
If he had a drinking problem before he was deployed then it is exponentially worse now, but if he doesn't want to admit he has a problem then there is nothing you can do for him.
You have two options: Either leave him or else contact Al-Anon UK (for persons affected by someone else's drinking) for the times and locations of meetings near you.
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