A
female
age
41-50,
*illady55
writes:My bf got friendly with a woman at work and they began textin and ringin each other, I found out after a couple of months by lookin at his messages on his mobile. He promised that nothing was goin on and they were just friends, he said he would stop. After a few weeks I realised they were doin it again but she had changed her number so I wouldnt be suspicous, he was actin realy secretive and when confronted he went and got drunk and didnt come home that night. We split up for a few days but as we had children we sorted through things. She has started textin him again and I want him to tell her to stop but he says to ignore it, but im wondering if she is textin him when he is at work and their up to something, I dont know what to do.
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at work, drunk, split up, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): Irish is so right. I also cannot understand why men/women go on like this. You have built a home, life and family together, so why does he want to throw this away on a whim? You two need to sit down and have a good talk. You need to thing through very thoroughly and carefully what you want to do. If you want him out, can you stay in your home? Don't you leave the family home with your kids. Do you rent or own your own place? If you rent, then maybe you could get a swap to another town or area, start again somewhere with the kids. That is, if he doesn't stop this nonsense. Maybe, you two could go along to marriage guidance and get things back on track. I personally would kick him out if he continued with this nonsense. Life is too short and you do deserve better.
Take care and keep in touch if you want.
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007): Your bf has engaged in behavior that has brought unease and suspicion into this relationship so therefore, he needs to take care of this problem. He's the only one who can stop this. Ignoring the problem won't make it go away. If he really wanted her to leave him alone, then he could get his point across to her by telling her "enough..stop" I'm not saying they are still involved but you have a one of two problems on your hands 1) Your bf-he may feel he still likes the idea of having her want him which makes him a huge liability to you, your love relationship and family. He proving to be untrustworthy and his feelings, his wants and needs take precedence over you and the kids. In other words, he really likes her attentions and we know he plainly loves having his ego stroked. Sadly, when men/women do this in their committed relationships it's always tough to get the relationship back on track. The unfaithful partner has to work twice as hard to prove himself worthy. He's not doing this. And do you want to spend the rest of your future with this man...always wondering? or 2) The other woman-if he's told her it's through and she's not complying-you may have a scary person here with stalker type qualities. A woman who can't take NO for an answer. I am strongly opting for problem number one.
I can't for the life of me understand why men/women do this? Especially to the degree of selfishness it take to abandon his own beloved and family, a life he has built with her...all just to service his own needs. I think it's time for you and him to talk seriously about where this relationship is headed. I suggest you ask him if you and he could seek some couple counseling with the emphasis on the devastating effects of infidelity on a family. If that doesn't work, you may have no choice but to tell him..you are through. I am thinking if you were to tell him you and the kids are willing to walk...you may find out just how serious he will get about saving his relationship and family. But remember to have a plan in place, because if you plan to leave...he may take you up on it. But, at least you will know for sure where you stand. And hun, who wants a man with a 'single while attached' mentality. Tell him to end this with her..today and then address your own relationship problems.
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