A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend keeps in touch with his ex-girlfriend, but I don't like it. I feel that past is the past, and ex's are ex's for a reason. What's the need to keep in touch? What is there to talk about. I'm not saying that he needs to be rude to her ( I wouldn't want him to). But she is telling him she wants him to meet her new boyfriend (why does she still want his approval?) and he recently joined a fraternity and she said she might come to the coming out party with her friends(its an 3hr drive). She didn't follow through with it, but the fact that she thinks its okay to drive 3 hrs to see my man is presumptuous and I don't like that either. It may be innocent, and I give my boyfriend the benefit of the doubt- he doesn't even have her number saved in his phone (not that I know of, unless her name is saved as something else). Also, they had a cordial break up, with no bad feelings left behind. He isn't the type to hold grudges, so he probably doesn't think anything is wrong with his behavior. He told me that she's really cool, and he likes her as a person. But often ex girlfriends periodically pop in to see if their former love is still with their new partner. They remain in the "friend zone," hoping for something more. I questioned him about it and he said they are "just cool" nothing more and that his heart if with me and no one is going to take him away from me. I -do- believe him, but I want "Buffy" to Back Off!! I'm not an overly jealous person, but I do believe I am a jealous person within reason. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2014): I have always found my women's intuition serves me well. If my man's ex was in his life and making such an effort for his approval it would be a red flag for me too. All very well to say you are the one jealous and possessive but lets put the boot on the other foot. If your ex wanted to drive 3 hours to meet and was so keen on your approval for his new relationship how would your boyfriend feel? Its always easy to point the finger and call people jealous and insecure but sometimes these feelings are more than that....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2014): Jealousy can get you in a lot of trouble.
It shows how insecure you are, and demonstrates you have some serious trust-issues. Issues other people don't have to put up with, mind you.
You can't pick his friends, nor can you decide for him what to do about his exes. She has a new boyfriend, and he apparently doesn't seem to have a problem with their friendship.
When people breakup amiably; they have moved on. It is usually that type of breakup; in-which an ex-couple can truly maintain friendship at a proper distance. They each have their own relationships in progress; and he has to be out of your sight to do anything. If she were single; you might be justified in your suspicions. Maybe not in this case.
Oh, you're a young lady who is going to learn about relationships the hard way. You're clingy and possessive.
You don't trust your boyfriend. Bad mix of insecurities. A recipe for relationship-disaster.
You are presuming a lot without any evidence to prove otherwise. That's why it's going to get you into trouble.
He doesn't seem to keep secrets about her; and he told you she's cool.
Maybe you should meet her before drawing negative conclusions and presuming anything is going on.
Being possessive and controlling will not keep your man in check; it will make him buck you off like a bucking bronco.
You don't like it??? You've got a lot of growing up to do.
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