A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ok so my bf and I have dated 2years in which was long distance. Recently he moved in with me. Hes 18 I'm 17. He's originally from were I live. When he was 1 his mom left his dad and moved 4 hours away. So his dad lives here. He's been living with me 2 weeks. He had an inheritance check coming and we had all these plans to start our lives he got 26,937. But the day it came in the mail his stepmom and real dad was here to pick him up. (They r poor) he says he wanted to live with them. They have never had anything to do with him till. Now. And its been over a week now since he got the check and moved in. He's already spent 16thousand. In one week!!" He hardly talks to me and came and seen me once. He bought them a car cell phones and all this other stuff. Takes them out to eat and movies but hasn't even got me flowers to show he's thinking bout me. Nothing! Idk wat to do. I've talked to him and he's begged me not to break up with him but he still hasn't changed his act. Idk what to do!!" Plz help!"!
View related questions:
flowers, long distance, money, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 May 2012):
 Why in the world would you think that at 18 you should be the one he spends HIS money on?
I'm sorry but you are out of line.
To be honest there is no way I would set up an inheritance for a child of 18 to spend. It should have been put in trust for him because at 18 you have NO clue what to do with the money...
And I can tell you that 26k is going to FLY out the window...
Just because he BEGGED you not to break up with him does not mean you have to listen to him.
IF you don't like his behavior, you have two choices
accept his behavior that you do not like
or
leave.
since your only complaint is that he's not spending HIS money on you, I wonder if there are other things that make him a redeeming boyfriend that make you stay.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 A father has a greater impact on a child than does a girlfriend, especially one who was, until recently, long distance. Your boyfriend is trying to buy his father's affection the only way he can. Deep down he already knows this but he's too hungry for that parental approval.
Their relationship will begin to sour when the money is gone and then he'll be back.
I can understand your frustration at being dropped like a hot potato for someone who didn't show much interest before but there isn't much you can do, besides choosing to stay or leave.
The kind of family he has is cause for pity, but on the other hand you now know the type of person you're getting involved with. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Personally I'd leave.
...............................
A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (15 May 2012):
 It sounds to me like you're his girlfriend because of a check he's gotten. You keep talking about HIS money. Are you making any of your own? It's HIS inheritance check. HIS. Which means someone close to him probably had to die for him to get it. It's completely up to him whether or not he would like to share it with you. Just because you two are a couple doesn't mean that any money he has should be also given to you. That is not what a relationship is about. A marriage on the other hand is where financial stuff should be discussed.If he didn't inherit it, then where would you guys be right now? Do you have a job? Does he have a job? How were you two surviving until now? So he got some extra money. Do you really want to sound like a girl who is pestering him about a check he recieved from his family. If I were in his position and my girlfriend kept bothering me about money that was never addressed to her then I would most likely think she was only after what's in my pockets.I do understand that you at least want him to think of you when he has the money. You say that he hasn't even gotten you some flowers to show he's thinking about you? Yet another statement that screams that you want him to remember you when he still has that fat wad of cash that's in his wallet. Here's what I think? I think he knows that you prioritize on money in this relationship. Now he's showing you that now that he has some, he's not going to spend it on you. If you've already went to him about this problem before coming to us, then I'm pretty sure he's doing this in spite of your wishes. He probably saw you as a gold digger who only has one purpose in this relationship; to empty his account. My suggestion is for you to just be cool. HIS money doesn't equal out to both you and his future. BOTH of you guys natural income is what's suppose to go towards your lives. What if he did spend the money on what you guys had planned, then you both break up shortly down the road because of some other reason. That's money gone to waste. He's spending it on his step parents for a reason. I too would be more likely to spend it on the people who raised me instead of a girl that isn't promised to be with me in the next few monthsI doubt he would spend it on complete strangers. They had to be there for him in his life. You say they never had anything to do with him until now? They're his family. And apparently he thinks very highly of them, which means that they must have been there for him when he needed them. He loves them and wants to see them have something that they never had before. Like you said, they're poor. So don't you think he's doing a honorable thing by taking them out, showing them fun? If you were a real girlfriend, you would understand that. But the cash signs in your pupils are blinding you.Forget about the money. Pretend it never existed. Do what you guys were doing before it arrived. Save for the big day you two decide to tie the knot. THAT money will be earned and therefore it will mean a lot more when it is spent. Good luck and be happy.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2012): No all of u got the wrong idea! I was tryingg to say pretty much his step mom and dad are talking advantage of him because they r poor! They have never had anything to do with him until he got his money. I've been here all along for him. So I'm saying it would be nice for him to show he still cares about me. I feel like he's to good for me now pretty much.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 I'm sorry but what makes you think you're entitled to some of HIS money?
It's his inheritence to spend how he wants, so it's not unreasonable that he hasn't bought you anything. But if you're not happy with that then the choice is with you to stay or leave...
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (15 May 2012):
 You two live on your own and split everything in half (utilities, rent, living grocery bill, other living expenses)?
Does he OWE you any MONEY?
I'm confused at what the real problem is here. Because he's not spending any of the $$ on you? Or because he's all of a sudden moved out and you can't afford to live on your own? Maybe you're mad he's not spending time with you since he has money.
Unless he owes you money, then he's going to blow it however he wants. I wouldn't expect any gifts. A car and mobile phone, I see as necessities. Taking his dad and stepmom out to dinner? Not a need, but maybe he's just being nice. Either way, it's not your business how he spends his money. You two aren't married and don't share access to each other's finances.
If you're worried he's not coming back....I would wait for him to call you telling you he's moving back in. He'll run out of money sooner than you think.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (15 May 2012):
 I am sorry to say he is your roommate and you are his stepping stone to adepting life in your city. At least he is not spending the money on Xbox, sports games, and alcohol. He is watching his money and he has to make sure he could still pay rent. I don't know this guy and how he treats you daily when he is not busy, like not on the phone or email when that's what you relied on in your long distance relationship.
...............................
|
