A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have caught my boyfriend messaging other girls even to the point he was sending naked pictures I tried to forgive him but IDK if I really can I always worry about who he talking to so how should I break it of I don't think I can keep going on like this not trusting who Im with help please?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2018): This is a life-lesson and part of your development as a woman. It's learning to let go, when a guy isn't good for you.
Dump him, and start purging his poison out of your system.
You have to cut-off all means of contact, get-off social media, and disappear; while your wounds heal. Ghost him.
Your feelings aren't going to switch-off like a light-bulb; but your reason for hanging-on to him isn't as much about love as you think. It's jealousy and your ego.
For goodness sake! Have some dignity, girlfriend!
You do genuinely care for him; but the problem is, he doesn't care as much for you. It makes you feel less desirable; and you don't like the thought of him being with someone else. He's already cheating. The more you hang-on, the worse you'll feel. He's toxic and it's spreading through your entire mind and body.
You're giving him too much power over your feelings, and he's trashing them in the process. He's causing you to develop emotional-issues out of stress and frustration. He's killing your self-esteem. He's purposely making you suffer; because it boosts his ego and makes him feel like he's some sort of lady's man. He can cheat, but you still won't let go. Which means you'll stay away from other guys; until he finds someone to replace you. Then he'll leave you!
Now for the lessons to be learned here. You must have self-respect. You must insist guys respect you. Not to want a guy so badly, you'll let him trash you. Don't waste love on people who don't return it in equal amount. Don't tear yourself apart holding on to a bad-guy; so you'll be too much of a hot mess to find someone better. He doesn't love you.
This is a matter of self-preservation and survival. You're smarter than this. What are you clinging to exactly?
He's a scumbag, a cheater, and a really rotten dude. He's no prize to be fought over. He's making you miserable, and when he's done; you will be psychologically-damaged. Only because you tried to hold-on to him in spite of what he's doing to you. The mind will take only but so much stress.
You aren't any less beautiful if you let him go. In fact, he will be surprised of your strength. You will hurt, and that sucks; but you have to show you're not a mindless-fool. It is likely he has been with other girls, and you had better get yourself tested.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2018): He left your relationship the minute he hit send on the very first pic.
It's time you do the same.
It's over.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 February 2018):
 I agree with Aunty BimBim and N91
It's time to end it with him, OP. He isn't going to stop this behavior, he will just get better at hiding it. And you will not regain trust back in him. Once you lose trust in a person everything else will fall like dominoes. First trust goes, then respect, then love/care etc. etc.
You tried to forgive it but it's still eating away at you and at some point one of two things will happen. Either you will become one of those "crazy" GF's who goes through her BF's phone to make SURE he behaves or you will realize that HE is OLD enough to KNOW better and that you DESERVE better.
PICK option 2, OP
NO ONE should have to go through a partner's phone/e-mail whatever to ensure that the partner "behaves". Instead you end it if they can not RESPECT you (and themselves) enough to behave in a decent manner. It is NOt a GF's "job" to teach her BF how to be a decent partner.
If he was sending naked pictures it wasn't just idle chats he was having with other women. He was HOPING to entice ONE (or more) of them to have sex with him.
I think Auntie BimBim's approach where you tell him that "he is not the one for you, that you wish him well but it's over" - is the best way to go about it. But DO NOT offer friendship and DO block, delete and remove him from ALL your social media/phone etc.
Don't WASTE further time on a guy like this. The more time you waste on someone like this, the longer it will be until you can find someone who is DECENT and a good match.
Good luck, OP
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (13 February 2018):
 Of course you should, why on earth would you be considering staying?
Tell him its over on account of his poor behaviour then block/delete and move on.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (13 February 2018):
 How to break it off? Okay, I know its not easy but you need to tell him you believe he is not the one for you and wish him well. Don't agree to be friends, why would you want to be friends with somebody like that, if necessary block him on your phone and all social networking apps etc.
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