A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend used to take the initiative to text me in the beginning of the relationship, but lately it has become such that he takes hours to reply to a simple text. I'm not a heavy texter myself. But I noticed that he checks Instagram frequently (the times when he was last active can be seen) throughout the day, yet he takes hours to reply a question that I asked via text. It also doesn't help that he follows many Instagram models, I used to feel insecure about it but I know that it's my own insecurities to deal with because he doesn't interact or like any of their photos. But I can't help feeling that replying to my messages is less important that the immediate gratification he gets from looking at their photos. It also doesn't help that we are in a long distance relationship, so I don't know where he is or what he is doing if he disappears for hours. He has never given me reason to distrust him, but I'm upset that he doesn't reply when I text him, yet finds time to keep looking at Instagram. And it's not like I blow his phone up with messages because I am not big on texting myself. Personally I reply promptly, instead of disappearing for hours while doing other stuff on my phone. I am looking for some advice on how to talk to him about it, or if I should let it go. Thanks guys! 3
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female
reader, bellalaw +, writes (18 June 2018):
As honeypie mentioned, try putting in as much effort as he does and then if he doesn't notice, it might be something you'll just have to accept.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2018): People grow tired and weary over the course of an extended long-distance relationship. They also get distracted by meeting people in-person and other activities.
Conducting your romance primarily over social media and video-exchange sort of takes the intimacy and humanity out of it. I don't care how much people argue to the contrary. I let them debate their side of it; but there's nothing like being with someone, and using all five senses!
You need warmth, human-contact, affection, touch, and intimacy to feed a real-relationship. Viewing your image and just reading messages becomes routine and boring; like reading a Good Housekeeping magazine in the doctor's office. Nice pictures and a lot of words.
Two healthy young people should be sharing activities together, bonding, enjoying moments of pleasure, and getting closely acquainted. Most essential to solidify, strengthen, and establish their relationship.
He has found another way to kill time; and for visual-entertainment. We men are visual-creatures. Most phone apps are designed to be "habit-forming." He is now addicted to viewing the pictures. Your messages don't offer as much visual-stimulation and entertainment-value as girly-pics on Instagram! He's in his 20's mind you; so social media overtakes the millennial-mind! The more you use your phone apps, the more addicted to them you become.
You need to call him to distract him away from his alternate phone activities. Stop sending text messages; if you notice he's not responding to them.
Don't build-up reasons to fight. It's time to talk about where your relationship is heading. Find-out if it's still good; or if he's still playing it along for your sake. He needs to curb using the Instagram app; if he's not responding to his girlfriend's contact-attempts!
Perhaps you don't see each other enough; so he has found another way to look at pretty girls; but not actually cheat in the physical-sense. He may also be waning off the LDR; because guys don't seem to stick to them as well as the ladies can. With many exceptions to the rule; because there are guys out there who will faithfully hold-out to the bitter-end; or until two loving-hearts are joined as one! The question is, is he one of those guys?
How long have you been apart? How often do you get to be together?
Too long out of sight, and out of reach...out of mind! People have very short attention-spans these days! Video chats are no replacement for in-person face-time. It's only done to fill-in the gaps; until you're actually together.
Maybe it's time to reevaluate the relationship; and determine whether it's still on; or if he wants to call it quits. He may be hoping you'll just get tired of it, and make the first move to end it.
Texting and video-chatting are not having a relationship. It's just a form of communication to stay in-touch between visits; pending the time you will actually be together in each others real company. At all costs, minimize the time you are apart!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (15 June 2018):
 I second Honeypie.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 June 2018):
 Try for a period of time to put in as much effort (or rather as little) as he is. If he notices and either bring it up or he starts to participate more, good. If he doesn't notice then WHAT are you doing being in a LDR with a guy who doesn't give a single F?
Also when you DO text him are those texts the kind that suggests it needs an answer or it is a statement like "I miss you!' that really doesn't REQUIRE an answer (though one would be nice).
Have you two met in person? How long have you known each other? And how much of your relationship is "texting" each other?
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