A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is going on a holiday in a mixed group, including the girl he cheated on his last girlfriend with.To be fair, he booked this holiday while we were on a short break (we've been together 15 months); though he paid for it a few weeks after we were back together.He didn't tell me about this holiday, but a mutual friend, who thought I knew, let it slip. When I confronted him, he got very angry and didn't speak to me for about 4-5 days (we don't live together).I've continued to see him and stay over since I found out (about six weeks ago) but as the holiday approaches I'm very uncomfortable as he won't tell any of the people he's going with that he's in a relationship, or post on facebook we're in a relationship (he says he loves me, that I have nothing to worry about and that I need to trust him).He won't let me meet any of the people he's going on holiday with, either.When I try to talk to him he says I would drive anyone mad, and that I'm very insecure. He's also said I need to speak to a doctor as I have mental health issues.I've just got a promotion at work, and none of my other friends or family seem to think I have mental health issues, though I am very very upset and anxious about the holiday and, especially, the fact he won't tell me any details (eg where he's going, when he's flying out, who he's going with, what the accommodation arrangements are).I keep trying to raise this, but he gets very angry and basically says if I can't keep it together then I should leave.I'm thinking there's no other way of looking at this than the obvious, but does anyone think perhaps this is my fault or that a different approach could help us work this out together. There is such an awful tension between us and though I try to be happy for him (and bought him some nice things to take on his holiday) I sometimes get so hurt and cross that I make catty remarks.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 January 2013):
 Show him the door and don't look back. Do yourself a favour and stop trying to reason with him. The problems in this relationship are well beyond that. He would rather do what feels good than what is good. He knows exactly what he's doing.
You're not mentally ill. You're justifiably upset, but your boyfriend can't admit that AND go on this holiday with a clear conscience. Which is why he's pretending there is something wrong with you.
Why you'd stay at his place after learning this is a mystery to me.
Your boyfriend is of very poor quality and the longer you're with him, the more unhappy you're going to be.
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (3 January 2013):
 Your boyfriend is on and off with you for a purpose, or when it suits him. When you are in a serious relationships, friendships with ex lovers are off limits. He is basically telling you accept the person he is or leave. Let go of him, so you don't have to be angry anymore or wonder what the hell he is doing over there. Set yourself free. Whatever he does no longer concerns you.
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