A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship over 2 years now. Because of our belief, we don't have sex and don't sleep together in the same room, only if we go somewhere over night with friends. Now my boyfriend wants to go on holiday with 3 of his friends of his works - all female. He spends a lot of time with them, as they do the same work on the same place. I know them all and they all are in a relationship themselves. I know I can trust them and I also can trust him. So this is not the problem. I dont have a problem with it that he spends a lot of time with them and they are friends. It would also not be a problem, if he would go on holiday when there would be other men as well. But it bothers me that he is only going with this three ladies. It also bothers me that he postponed the three weeks of military service he would have to do in this three weeks. Men can only do this three times and this is his third time. So he will never be able to do that for me! I also don't like, that he spends this holiday with them and not me. It also hurts because it is my birthday in that time when he is on holiday. And I have a problem, that he will spend the nights with one of this three ladies in the hotels in a double room or in the tent when they go hiking.I told him befor he bought the ticket that I don't like the thought of it and it would not bother me when there would be at least on other man or if he would spend the nights in a single bedroom. He now bought the ticked for the flight. I was alright because I thought, he will care for me and spend the night in a single room But a few days ago, I heard one of this friends of him saing, that they reserved double bedrooms and they will also spend the nights in double tents when they go hiking... - what should I do? I love him and he is perfect in everyway... but this bothers me and hurts me a lot!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2007): Why on earth are you putting up with this kind of relationship? This guy is clearly not in to you. I don't know whether or not he is gay, but he certainly has you down in the "friend" category. I wouldn't even say that it is a case of "loves you, but not in love with you"
I think you need to ask yourself why you would put up with being in this kind of relationship. It says a lot more about you than it does him. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I'm sure you'd think it too if you read this kind of question from someone.
What should you do? First realise that this is not a proper relationship based on mutual attraction. And, jeez - get real for moment. He's "perfect in every way"? Do you really mean that? Have you never had a better relationship than this to compare it to, it sounds that way to me. Maybe this relationship once had potential but it seems to have faded from friendship to pretty much nothing.
If you want to stay with this guy then you are going to have to get used to being last on his list of priorities. Do you see a future for yourself where there is no sexual chemistry, separate beds every night, holidays alone, always last on his list of considerations? That sounds incredibly lonely and lowest grade to me. Surely you want and deserve more than that? The answer is in moving on from this relationship and looking to the future. All the best with whatever you decide to do.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2007): your boyfriend is quite clearly gay. That probably makes him very caring, considerate and a good listener. If anything a very good boyfriend but perhaps you need to ask yourself wherer your relationship is going.
Anyway, i wouldn't worry about him going on holiday with three female friends unless he is going somewhere where he might meet like minded men. Maybe he doesn't know himself but i imagine "camping" might be a coded jibe at you.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, rambini  +, writes (31 May 2007):
 to be totally honest with u i am amazed at ur patience as i wud be so angry at him if i was in your position. in my opinion this is totally outrageous!! after two years he disrespects ur feelings, AND misses ur birthday in the process! he wont sleep in a bed with u, yet feels it is acceptable to be in a double room with a different female! i think u need to have seriosu words with this man as he appears to be taking ur patience immensely for granted. if u dont put ur foot down wen it is important such as now, he will continue to disrespect you. good luck sweetheart.
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