A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This question seems so simple to answer from an outside perspective but for me it has been tearing me apart for months. My boyfriend and first real love is a drug addict. Since we first met he has had a problem with controlled substances,(benzos, painkillers, etc). I helped him detox twice and and have continued to love and support him. When things are good between us they are undescribably amazing, we will spend days together in disbelief of how happy we are and how in love we are. Our bond is very strong but lately its been falling apart again, we've had veeerrry bad times as well. Lately he has been taking xanax, morphine, vicodin, and klonapin. This is unacceptable and he always justifies it. I cannot let him drag me down again i suffer every night crying myself to sleep asking god or whoever to make sure he doesnt od and die. I have already lost one partner in a car accident. My pain is so deep and the frustration i feel is unparallel to anything ive ever known. I've gone throught the ultimatums and he always claims our love is something he would never throw away. He has serious issues with his father stemming from abuse and claims that's why he uses but he refuses to talk about it at any point in time and only becomes enraged or depressed if i ask. He thinks I;m over-reacting but then will admit he has a problem. If i leave him im terrified he will commit suicide accidentally or otherwise. lately though i feel like he only wants me for sex and is disapointed and angry if im not up for it. I need help desperately. I cant live my life like this, what can i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u so much everyone. i left him today and hopefully hell realize and seek help. i cant live my life like that. thank u everyone it really helped me. i feel better now/relieved.
A
female
reader, bfly36 +, writes (8 May 2008):
 Im sorry ur going thru this. pleas know that although u love him, addicts can lie and manipulate easily. Be very careful not to fallinto lies that he is not using or believe promises. Addicts need serious treatment if they are going to change. I suggest you tell an adult that can help him and there are alot of low income rehab programs, remember it is not up to you,u can lead him there but he has to ADMIT he has an addiction andhe has to do the work to change. good luck , stay strong and remember think about you first in this situation.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (7 May 2008):
 he needs to go to a doctor/psychiatrist and get counselling for his emtional issues from the past. If he likes to feel numb then antidepressants may help deal with his unwanted emotions.
drugs and their abuse are a poor form of coping mechanism and he really needs to talk to a professional counsellor.
if he wont try to seek help then you may end with a man who is always zombified on downers and you need to think about your needs first.
benzos and opiates are very physically addictive and he needs proper medical help to tackle this group of problems from many angles
-talking therapy/cognitive behavioural therapy
-drug addiction treatment
-drug based therapy
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A
female
reader, sugarwaffle +, writes (7 May 2008):
Your boyfriend has made it very clear that drugs are more important in your life than you. I think you know what you need to do but probably don't like the answer -- you need to step away and move on with your life.The relationship you have is detrimental to your own mental well-being. You deserve to be loved and cherished instead of coming second to his drug addiction.Drug addiction leads to multiple relapse. Your boyfriend needs to be treated by a professional. There are many local clinics that will provide free assistance. I highly recommend you to speak with him about seeking out some help, and if he refuses, you need to leave -- and stick to it. If he agrees to receive professional help (and actually does get some within the next week or so), that's the only time I'd even entertain the idea of having a future with him.Here are a few links to websites with some phone numbers and more information:http://www.nida.nih.gov/podat/PODAT4.htmlhttp://www.mayoclinic.com/health/drug-addiction/DS00183http://www.addictionsearch.com/(Not a substitute for professional help, but reading more about it can provide some insight.)You cannot help him if he does not want to help himself, and if he does not seek any help, your future with him will be miserable if you do not leave. Do not waste away your youth, crying over him, hoping that one day he will come to his senses -- it's possible that he may never come to his senses, especially if he does not receive any professional help. You are young, and there is still so much for you to experience out there.Your boyfriend is an adult; he is responsible for his actions. You are not, so please, stop blaming yourself for any poor decisions he may make. Do not lock yourself into an unhappy relationship because you worry that he will kill himself. Not limited to drug use, but if you see yourself with him in the future, will he make similar threats if he doesn't get his way?You have been through a lot with your boyfriend, and I believe that when things are good, they are amazing. However, by your post, are the few, happy times worth the constant anguish? How much more can you give of yourself until you are left with nothing?I personally think that you could benefit from some counseling, too. It seems that you are still struggling with the loss of your previous partner and feel that your current one will leave you the same way. I also think that your receiving professional help will help organize your thoughts and mind and put you back on the path to a stable lifestyle.I do wish you the best of luck, and I hope that you will put your interests first and take care of your own mental health.
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