A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of a year dumped me because he thinks "he's too depressing" for me and he's in a bad place right now. I told him I was okay with it and I'd do anything to make him feel better if he just opened up a little, but he insisted we broke it off. I love him and I'm struggling without him at the moment. Is he likely to come back when he's cooled down? Or do I just have to come to terms with the fact he's gone forever?Thanks in advance
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 December 2016):
 It's great that you are open to the fact of wanting to make it work but you also need to be prepared for the fact that he doesn't. Yes he is using self pity and pushing you away. That is not fair on you either. Give him space and if he does not contact you in a week consider it over.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (22 December 2016):
 If I were you I'd start the healing process. You offered to stick around and he said no so there's nothing else you can do.
Just work on yourself for the time being and maybe he will come back, maybe not. But definitely don't sit around waiting for something that may never come.
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A
female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?]  +, writes (22 December 2016):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) Usually when someone feels so down on themselves, they feel the need to close everyone off from them. This isn't done to intentionally hurt the other person, they just don't want them to feel so down on them that they need to fix them or something..
He most likely doesn't want to feel like he needs to be fixed. I wouldn't look at it as him never coming back, maybe he needs time to think about what he wants in life. What would make him feel better. It may be best that way, do not look at yourself as the problem. Sometimes we need space from everything to take care of ourselves, it's hard to come by.. Trust me, but it's human nature. The body needs to heal itself in time. I wouldn't expect him to come back this very moment, I wouldn't want you to get your hopes up.
Depression hits in many different ways, and it will never go away over night. It's a day to day thing that you slowly learn to cope with over time. I'd let him go, and whatever is meant to be it will be. If he gets better and decides to rework things out. You should think about what you want too, you never know what the future holds! I wish nothing but the dearest wishes for you. And let me know how everything is going. I'd love to hear back from you. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2016): I can't say whether or not it is "likely" because I don't know how severe his depression is. You let him know you are here for him and to maximize your chances of him coming back you MUST GIVE HIM SPACE. No call, no text, no sweet message no nothing. If you contact him for any reason you will push him further away and lessen the chance of his return.
He will be able to process everything and probably begin to miss you after a few weeks...prob less. You have to let him do this on his own.
He should really seek professional help.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (22 December 2016):
 I'd be open to talking it out, but Ben prepared for that day not to come.
My boyfriend and I both have depression, which has nearly broken us up because he feels he's lost himself and fulfilling my needs is a lot of pressure (on top of work, uni, essays, long distance, etc.) Luckily, we've managed to get through it, so far, but your ex needs to want to be open and that's not easy.
Give it a couple of weeks, then begin to move on permanently.
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