A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'm 20 and my boyfriend moved away to uni 5 weeks ago, 2 and a half hours away from home. I see him once every 2 weeks now.how do I cope better with this situation? I feel like he has a brand new exciting life and I'm just at home with the same life I had when he was here but about 80% of it taken away. He used to practically live at my house, we used to do everything together, we're best friends. And now my lifes so empty and pointless :( We have been together for 3 years. I desperatly dont want to lose him but I dont think I'm strong enough to cope with this for much longer :(Any advise on what I should do? :(
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, E3093 +, writes (24 October 2011):
I am currently in the same boat as you, however I have learnt to adjust and keep myself busy through my FdA work. And he has only been at Uni for a month. My boyfriend and I are both 18 and have been together for a year and a half and still going strong even with the 153.3miles in between us! We skype everyday and each week we'll send each other something cute and personal. For instance a letter, or a box of cereal (He loves lucky charms). Last week I came home to flowers that had been delivered to my doorstep with a cute message in.
I'm also stuck behind bored stiff and incredibly lonely. Last weekend I drove up to him and visited him and his flatmates and really got on with them all and joined in with the university life. If you join in while there, it kind of feels like you are living the fun and exciting Uni life too! Go up to see him on Bonfire Night and i'm sure you will have a blast!! That's what i'm doing as the fireworks mixed with a party just seems amazing!
I know it sucks, but talk everyday about the most generic and stupidest things. Don't be afraid to ask him really stupid and silly questions. Send him picture messages of things you found funny in the day. Before my boyfriend went off we were great players of the yellow car game. And now we send eachother a picture of a yellow car so that we can still play it over a long distance.
Although, you need to make sure you are not taking over his life from a distance through all the communication. Make sure he goes out and doesn't sit at home thinking you don't want him out. Because he needs to grow as an individual apart from you. And you also need to grow as an individual apart from him.
To be honest, I think it is all down to trust, communication and being confident that you both won't end it unless you've both fought for the relationship. The faith I have in my lad is what keeps me going. And i'm sure he has the same trust in me.
Just remember that the distance is not forever. And the time apart really does strengthen the relationship and the characters within.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (20 October 2011):
 University is usually a make or break period for relationships.
Most people who go to uni do so straight out of school and are only just adults. Their wants, needs and beliefs are all in the process of development. It is a big test for people, and often highlights the differences between two people, rather than bringing them together. University broadens horizons and introduces people to a whole new world of possibilities.
Saying that however, it is possible for committed relationships to survive, they just take work and dedication on both sides. This will be a test of your love for each other.
I know it is tough, but you are a grown woman, not a teenager. You need to get out there, and make your own life. Even in a relationship you should not be 100% reliant on each other. Are you still in education or do you work? Perhaps this would be a good time for you to learn a new skill as well. Take advantage of not having to think about someone else all the time, focus on doing things you enjoy. Make time to call and text every day - but do not get clingy. Go and visit him, or make sure he comes to see you every couple of weeks. It will take time and dedication, but it can be done.
You have to understand this is an AMAZING opportunity for him. Do you want him to ruin any potential career he could have, just because you are lonely? That is not really fair. I know you love him, but realistically he may not be the man you spend your life with, you are still both very very young. It is best to get education now, whilst he still can. Once you are in a full time job it becomes more difficult. Should you stay together he will ahve a greater earning power later on, but should you split up he has not lost anything.
I know it is tough, but reconnect with your friends, go out, do things, enjoy your life. He is your boyfriend, not your arm or your leg. You have your own life to get on with. You are not joined at the hip. Do not lose yourself.
...............................
|
