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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been dating my boyfriend going on 4 mos. and I have recently been having some issues about how I am so less experienced than he is. I have been a religious girl all my life, but have recently dissented from my religion.He is a virgin, and obviously so am I, but (he was the first guy to see my boobs, at 22, as embarrasing as that is) and am doing a lot of firsts with him. He has done: a lot of foreplay, kissed 120 girls, had 7 girls go down on him(only recipricated once, three ways---though without the sex, and video taping. and I have never done all of those things.... He is changed and doesnt do any of those things now (hes 26) but I cant get over what a party animal he was?I don't know what to do. I have dated a lot of different types of guys (they were always the church-good boys) but have never dealt with these issues before.Being 22, I can see a lot potentials to marry this guy (not for a long time though) but do people break up with someone, just because they have the suspicion that they are the "one" but it not the right timing. I don't know how I can resolve the issues of his past.... unless I dont, Sadly the hard way is to break up and see if my suspicions are right. That would be throwing the relationship out the window, and hoping we will meet again. But is there a better approach to what im thinking?I really care about this guy. But the whole aspects of having a long-term relationship scares me. Probably because my life style has taken a 360. Ive done a lot of firsts with this guy.... but I know that I don't want to have a serious relationship with someone until I get and explore my own sexuality. I don't want just one guy to take the repsonsiblity of me. I feel like (Ive never told him this) Im putting a lot of pressure on him,because he has done all those things (since 13, at least) I want to have an open relationship, but he doesn't (how many guys would turn that down?) How can he expect me to be committed after my past? He has had his learning experiences and is ready to commit to a girl (He hasn't had a girlfriend for 4 years... hes pretty picky... but he sure dated during that time! So he likes me a lot) How important are those experiences? I know I am not planning on going crazy after having this freedom to do what ever I want, but I want to understand my own sexuality. I know Im pretty, and he always says, "Im drop dead gorgeous," and he said that Im the cutest girl he has dated (I guess I could take that as a compliment considering the number) But it isn't fair! I want to have an open relationship, but he wants nothing to do with it... saying he would be jealous. If he wants to have me, he is going to have to wait a few years. We have so much connection, but it wouldn't be fair to him. There is a chance I might be too curious and leave. Is there a better way than to break things off to explore my sexuality now? I know I'll never be a party animal, but I need some things under my belt. Do I just have confidence issues are do I need to take a rain check on our 4 mos relationship?
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female
reader, thebestof the rest +, writes (2 June 2006):
Dont focus in the past whats done is done and dont focus is the future focus in the present and think do you love this guy and do you want to be with him you cant expect him to change for you so why dont you sit him down and then talk to him about how you feel if he loves you hell understand and obviously this guy is different from your average guy so it proborbly seems weird for you so give him a little time if he loves you then he will understand trust me XxXxX
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2006): Hello there, you seem to be really confused right now. Having an open relationship is not a good idea, especially as you have never experienced a proper sexual relationship before. Is it because you possibly feel inadequate because he brags about his previous experiences. Have you ever considered that this could be bravado on his part and that he is as nervous as you are???
Your first sexual experience should be with someone who you care about deeply, and i know that the society we live in today is very permissive and appears not to value virginity. Please get this right for your own well being, sleep with someone because you both care deeply about each other. A kind loving relationship is worth so much more than ten casual flings with whoever.Don't feel pressurised to have sex, but do it when everything feels perfect for you.
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