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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been in a relationship for 3 1/2 years and the guy still is getting in trouble and drinking constantly. He has cheated on me recently and I still love him. Why? I know he will never change. I just want to be happy. How to do I let go? When I do try I always end up running after him.
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female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (14 April 2006):
 Hi,
You love him simply because you've grown attached to him over the past 3 and 1/2 years and there is a special bond there. Him cheating on you must have weakened the bond between you but you still Love him because of that bond and feeling deep down inside of you.
Look inside yourself for the answer. Find the voice within you heart and listen to it. Youcan't stop lovong someone. It takes time, be brave.
Good Luck all The Best and Blessed Be!
Phoebe
xxx
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (14 April 2006):
 You need to look inside your own self and find out why you want to be with someone who doesn't care about you and hurts you by cheating.
Are you frightened of being alone? That's the reason most women in your position stay with their men, even when it's clear that their boyfriends couldn't care less about them.
The reason that you run after him when you break up is that you're afraid of what you'll do on your own. But two things are wrong when you do this. The first is that you're setting a bad precedent with your actions saying to him, "You can treat me terribly, and I'll put up with it".
The second problem is that a person NEEDS to be comfortable with their own company. You have to learn to love life on your own before you'll be any good at sharing your life with someone. So think hard about what your life would be like without him. Would it be better? Almost certainly Yes! Would you be lonely? Yes, probably. At least for a while.
But you'll become a stronger person through learning to be your own woman and by taking care of yourself. If you have children, you'll be setting them a wonderful example.
Get yourself some paper and a pen and write out a list of all of your boyfriend's good qualities and things he does that make you happy. Add to that list all the times that he's surprised you with tokens of affection, like given you flowers, or left you a loving note.
THEN on another sheet, make a list of the things you don't like about him, his bad habits, and times he's hurt you, either through action or inaction.
Compare your lists and I'll bet that you'll find the "good" list doesn't really match up to the "bad" list.
That's what you keep in mind when you give him his marching orders next time. If you start to weaken and crawl back, you look at your lists and remind yourself that he had more than 3 years to try to be a man who makes you happy... and he didn't.
Good luck dear, and let us know how you get on.
...............................
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