A
female
age
41-50,
*risy
writes:i can't decide because i'm blinded with my strong love for this person...my boyfriend right now has another girlfriend...i am the third party...the situation is killing me because im the second priority.how can i deal with this...i can't let go of him Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janeth  +, writes (17 January 2010):
i know it does feel weird but let me ask ,what if i always try to leave him he turns the table and acts like i am the one who is not loving him ,and i am the one who is giving up on this situation
A
female
reader, sharvaue_93  +, writes (2 August 2009):
well i know how u feel because im in that same situation right now well sorta but anyways all you can right now is pray to god "in dear lord do i put my trust never let me be put to confusion.i know its hurting you inside,but you to god to help you he knows whats best for you.Don't let it eat up inside of you like that because its only hurting you not him. whatever that strong feeling is for him you need to find out why do u still love this man if he has other relationships with other people?because it has to do with some reason why you still love him. Don't be afraid to try sumthin new for once. Like i said i know its hard to someone you really and trully care about go. You don't it to end hurting you in the end
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A
female
reader, xrisy +, writes (8 December 2008):
xrisy is verified as being by the original poster of the question he reminds me how he loves me almost everyday but i don't really feel the love he's been telling me...i don't know if i'm just getting to insenstive or i am having a hard time trusting him because of the pain he is giving me...i want us to work...i love him so much and i don't want to lose him...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008): Hey.. My name is Ashley and I am in the same situation. My boyfriend broke up with his ex (which he has now been with for 20 months) when we first started dating then like after 3 days he started going back out with her again. Now he's afraid to break up with her because he doesn't know if in the long run me and him will be able to keep a relationship like that. Now I know all about the situation but she has no idea. And I'm like you, I can't bring myself to break up with him, and again like you I couldn't stand seeing him being with her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): Why do the aunts answering this question make the assumption that he is cheating and lying to these 2 women? What has she said that tells you that? The answer is nothing. A lot of people, both men and women, date multiple partners at the same time. They are trying to decide what they want in a partner or what they want in their life. Some are cheats and users, but many, perhaps most, are honest with all partners. My wife dated 2 men at one time on several occasions before she met me. She was honest with both people involved. I dated her and another women on 4 occasions and was honest with both partners. Two of my other girlfriends were dating someone else when they were dating me. One wanted one of us for a husband and the other had just left her husband and only sexual partner ever and wanted to discover what other men were like, both in and out of bed. None of us ever cheated or lied, so what is the problem with people trying to decide what they want in a partner, as long as they are honest with all involved?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): If he is dating 2 women because he is unsure of what he wants, then either woman could have a chance to be the one he wants or neither. I dated 4 different women after my divorce from my first wife, in addition to the first girlfriend who I had after my divorce. I didn't want to be in a serious relationship so soon and wasn't sure that I wanted to continue to be with my primary girlfriend. All of the women knew that I was dating someone else. The other 4 were not at the same time, but at different times over a 2 and 1/2 year period. I eventually married the first one who I dated and we have been together for 29 years.
You believe that you are the number 2 girlfriend. If that is the case then it would probably be best if you just break up with him. If you thought you were his primary girlfriend then you would have to decide if you want to wait or break up. If you aren't sure then just ask him what your chances are to be his only girlfriend. If he is a decent man then he will be honest with you and you can break it off if he tells you that the other woman is most likely the one who he will choose.
There are lots of good, unattached men out there for you to chose from. You might be alone for a short time, but not forever. You just have to have the confidence to realize that. If you don't want to break up with him, then why don't you start looking for and dating another guy while you are dating him. That is what at least 2 of my other girlfriends did, as one of them got engaged shortly after she broke up with me. She was doing the same thing that I was doing, trying to make a decision on which man was the best for her. She asked me what her chances were of her being my only girlfriend and I told her the truth. We broke up with no hard feelings, as we both enjoyed being together.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 November 2008):
 He sounds like he's never actually going to be "yours" or "hers" or for that matter, anybody's!!!
Why are you afraid to be alone?
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A
female
reader, sharraie  +, writes (18 November 2008):
You need to be positive about this, you should not be afraid to be alone, until you can learn to be on your own, then how can you have a full positive relationship when you do not know who you are as a person. You need to discover who you are as a person, learn to be on your own, then move on to a relationship which is worthy of you. I'm sorry to say this, but the chap you love now is not the chap for you, would you ever be able to trust him, when he walks out the door on a simple errand, would you believe him? A life built on lies is not a good life, and not a life which you deserve.
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A
female
reader, xrisy +, writes (18 November 2008):
xrisy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim afraid to be alone...i can't afford to see him going on with their relationship with her girlfriend...i know i am stupid for being a fool of falling inlove with someone like him whom i know who can't be mine...i feel like i'm going to be a loser
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A
female
reader, sharraie +, writes (14 November 2008):
I'm sure you have heard all what i am going to say before from your friends and family. I'm sure you feel that you are so very much in love with this bloke,and that you cannot imagine life without him, but remember that you are only getting a part of him, not the part which matters. What is your future with him? Would you ever trust him. He is using you, some men are just made like that, one women is not enough. You are young, get yourself out there find a bloke that is worthy of you. That you can imagine youself with till you are old and grey, have kids with, grandkids with. You deserve happiness, not unhappiness.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 November 2008):
You need to figure out why you have such a low opinion of yourself. Someone with a strong and healthy ego wouldn't tolerate being treated like this. My advice is to take your focus off him and look into your own heart and life and find out why you are throwing your good love away on an idiot of man, a user and a cheat.
Of course you can let go of him. Why is that you don't want to? Are you afraid of living on your own? Have you convinced yourself that you need him to make you worthwhile? Try to look very objectively at your situation. Pretend that you are your own best friend and what advice would you give to someone who is throwing herself away on a man who isn't worth it?
I don't think it's a healthy love you feel for him, I think it's a need for something, an obsession. You are avoiding something by clinging to this 'love.' What is it that you can't face?
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