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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months now, and during all those months I noticed multiple times that he has an extra SIM card in his phone cover, but I didn't ask him why does he have another phone number, I gave it time and thought that he might tell me eventually and it's not a big deal. I ran out of patience yesterday, and he was on his phone and the SIM card was just noticeable inside his clear phone case. He noticed that I saw it, I asked him why does he have another phone number, he said that it's just for work, although I believe it's a lie because he actually contacts his work buddies with the phone number he uses with me, and he does that all the time. I found it as a poor excuse, I asked him if he can give me the phone number of the card, but he refused to do so, I didn't want to make an argument out of it, and just acted as if nothing happened, although it's been on my mind all day and I feel that he's hiding something. I've had some thoughts that he might be cheating on me, but at the same time, why would he put the card inside his phone case (and it's a clear phone case so it's obvious what's in it) and it's just there as if he's okay with the fact that I know about it, and if he wants to really cheat, he would hide it somewhere else that I cannot find out about it. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 November 2019):
 Stupid people cheat too, and get caught by stupid acts like leaving a sim-card visible.
The question is, why do you suspect cheating? Unless hes known to lie, has acted shady on other occasions etc etc, then why do you think its cheating? If you suspect this already, then it suggests that you have a low level of trust in your relationship. And if there is no trust, why bother staying in the relationship? Cheating or no cheating, wouldnt you be happier in a relationship where you had full trust and bo worries of this kind?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2019): Just as I predicted. You'd be told to spy. If you don't trust him, why stick around? My guess is, no matter what you find on the SIM card, you're not going to leave him.
If you find it's his work phone, what's the plan? You won't be satisfied. You'll keep spying on him, until you're caught.
If he catches you spying on his phone, after refusing to give you the number; you may not be left with an option one-way or the other! He'll dump you!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 November 2019):
 It does seem odd to have a separate sim card, especially with phones being available quite cheaply these days …
There are any number of possible reasons to have the sim card, you've already asked and are not happy with the answer you received.
A lack of trust is not a good foundation for a strong, loving, equal relationship.
You need to decide if you are willing to let it ride or if it is a deal breaker. For the sake of your mental health the sooner you make that decision the sooner you and he can either move forward, or on.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2019): Option 1) put the sim card in a phone and find out what’s on it, Option 2) trust that he was telling the truth and forget about it. If you can’t do Option 2 then do Option 1 and then if he was telling the truth you will have to live with the guilt of knowing you didn’t trust him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2019): Yep that's super shady. I don't know if it's cheating, illegal activity or something else but it's defintely weird. don't ignore your gut instinct. do you feel safe with him?
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (9 November 2019):
 You think he’s cheating so why wonder what’s on the SIM card? It’s irrelevant at this point!
Why stay with someone you can’t trust? Move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 November 2019):
 What kind of job does he do?
It doesn't automatically mean he is cheating, but it could be criminality. Unless he is military or law enforcement (but I can't REALLY see any jobs that would require just a spare SIM card). Or he COULD be telling the truth.
He could JUST be using it for work, that doesn't include talking to coworkers that he is also friends with.
If he is BILLED separately (one for each number) and one is paid for by his company it would make sense to to have 2 numbers, but why not 2 phones also? Why just a SIM card to juggle around?
Do you have ANY good reason to doubt his story? Other than HE doesn't want to give you that number?
Again, IF HE is telling the truth and the company PAYS for his usage, maybe he doesn't want you to start calling on that one and ending up on the bill.
I don't know. I find it odd.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2019): You asked, and he told you what it was for. Who decided that explanation wasn't good enough? You did! Why are you so obsessed over a SIM card that really isn't any of your business?
You're insecure, and need reassurance by means of knowing the phone number to another SIM card. You already suspect he's a cheater. Therefore, you must have some other incriminating evidence; because you cannot conclude that he is cheating just because he has an extra SIM card.
We live in a time when everyone needs proof and guarantees; yet a profound number of people don't have the capacity to build or earn trust. No matter how much you go out of your way to reassure them. All this is leading up to spying on his phone; which I'm almost certain you have by now, or you wouldn't direct so much intense curiosity towards the reason he has the extra SIM card.
If you think he's capable of cheating, and you don't trust him;, stop wasting your time by being with him. He already told you what the SIM card is for. You don't believe him, and he really doesn't have to prove anything to you about it. You've only been his girlfriend for 9 months!!! You're not his wife! You don't hide things from your wife. A spouse has rights, and a right to know. They deserve full-disclosure. Boyfriends and girlfriends are on the honor system. If you violate trust, you are immediately kicked to the curb. Married-people have taken vows, so they go far beyond just the honor system.
Keep it up! Like so many OP's who are insecure girlfriends; you're going to spy and open a can of worms. End result, you'll open a Pandora's Box; and discover more than you've bargained for. More than likely, you'll find-out he told you the truth. He'll discover you spied on him, and dump you like a hot potato! Sometimes you have to take his word for it. Just like if he asked you how many guys you've ever slept with? If it's a really large number, and you fear he'll judge you; you might lie, or hide it by never remotely approaching such a subject. It's your business, and strictly yours. None of his business!
I expect many females to jump to the defense of spying on phones and being distrustful. I can also guarantee many have a series of broken-relationships sabotaged by their distrust, and intent on disrespecting privacy.
If you want a feeling of security when you commit to a guy. Get to know him before you agree to be his girlfriend. If you don't know him, you'll be full of questions about his character and trustworthiness. Why? Maybe because you agreed to be his girlfriend too soon; and/or you've got leftover-baggage that makes you insecure. That's how women often sabotage their relationships. Then there's guilt, because he was stolen from someone else. Maybe he's a reputed lady-chaser. You might like bad-boys, and think your magical-love will change him.
Of course, by today's standards; it's okay to spy on people, and let your insecurity and trust-issues get the better of you. My wisdom comes from experience. I know that love is nurtured by trust. I know that if you haven't resolved trust-issues from past failed-relationships; you have no business in a new one. I also know that if I felt so strongly someone was cheating on me, I wouldn't stick around! You have nothing more than suspicion and insecurity motivating you here. If you actually have evidence of cheating, that should be enough without the SIM card disclosure demand.
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