A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I am REALLY worried about my bf and his drinking. There are a number of reasons why I am worried. Firstly, he has driven while drunk before, and his family do this too, therefore, its pretty acceptable in their family. They also operate heavy machinery etc while under the influence when everyone knows that this is not safe. Not to mention, he frequently turns up to work hungover, and he has a job which can be unsafe if he isnt fully alert and sober, so this is pretty dangerous, its not like hes turning up to a office job where he will harm no one but the computer. When he drinks, he turns really nasty towards me. He becomes quite "agressive" I guess you could say. I am not really sure of the word to use to describe him. I mean, he doesnt get physically violent or anything with me, but his attitude and the tone in which he speaks becomes sort of agressive sounding and this scares me alot. He has said the most hurtful things to me while drinking, one of them being where he told me I was a "failure" and the only way for me to be "saved" was for me to change myself into who HE wanted me to be. Then I would be a failure. This was his way of trying to manipulate me into doing something I didnt want to do. I know deep down I am not a failure and this is just a maniuplation tactic he is using, but it still hurt ALOT. And I hear the word "failure" everyday in my head. I havent gotten over it.That is just one example of the nasty things hes said. Also while drinking he frequently accuses me of "lieing" to him. I never lie to him and when hes sober he never thinks this. BUt when hes drinking, its like he gets a bit paranoid or something and says things like "dont fucking lie to be bitch, stop lieing, i know you are lieing, why the fuck are you lieing to me? tell me the truth.". The things he accuses me of lieing about dont evne make sense...infact he barely makes any sense while drinking. This really hurts me when he says that because I find it SO disrespectful the way he talks to me calling me "bitch" and so on. He never does that while sober. He also has a realllllly bad memory both while drunk and not drunk. I dont know if this is cause hes had WAY to much alcohol from a young age, so perhaps it has killed his brain cells or something. But he doesnt remembe alot of things Itell him, even important things.This is pretty hurtful too.And then there is the amount of which he drinks. He drinks literally everday. The amount varies, can be anything from 1-2 drinks, up to 10 or 20. I dont know what to do anymore...I just feel so alone and like I can never depend on him or trust him because if hes been drinking he can be so nasty to me and unreliable. I have tried talking to him about all of this but he flat out denies any of it happens. He says he would never do or say such things. He then gets quite defensvie and angry. Do you think he does remember but just doesnt want to admit it to me, or does he really forget all the things he does and says while drinking?What do i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): You need to get away from this guy; it sounds like he has a serious problem. Don't put up with being treated that way, whether he's drunk or not. I'd say he knows exactly what he says to you while he's drunk, otherwise he wouldn't get so angry and defensive about it. The only person who can help him is HIM, and he will have to admit he has a problem first. You don't want to be around when this catches up with him, and he could hurt you in the process, too (like what if he throws you in the car while he's drunk and gets in an accident?). You need to get out before he hurts you any more-either physically or emotionally.
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