A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I got back with my boyfriend yesterday after we had been having some troubles. At the moment things seem better than ever but something very i don't know ? Out of the blue happened today. My boyfriend has recently been kicked out, and has been declared as homeless. Hes been known for having outbursts of anger in the past. But ever since i have been with him he has never had one of these, hes always come across as very gentle and calm and you would look at him and think he couldn't hurt a fly. I've been with him for 6 months and never known him to do hurt or be violent towards anybody. Recently the homesless thing has really been eating him up however, hes become almost depressed, he thinks hes useless, his family have been absoulutly disgraceful to him, and at the moment hes living in accomdated housing for young people. Hes scared and hes struggling and lately its been causing him to do some very weird things, and i hope this is just a one off. We had abit of a play fight today, just as a joke. But he became rather violent half way through, i did at certain points tell him to calm down and it was just a play fight but he didn't seem to get it. After a little while he started full on punching and kicking me, and for some reason i carried on getting back up, just because i wanted to see wheather he would carry on. It carried on for about half an hour, and i did get voilent too, but he was so much stronger than me, and just carried on because i wouldn't give up. He pulled my hair, punched me about 4 times in the stomach, and full on kicked me uncountable times. It got so serious his friend who was sitting here at the time had to tell us both to stop. It was scary, and i didn't relly get over what he had done till hours later, he's 6'1 foot and weighs about 15 and a half stone, i'm 5'3 and weigh about 10 stone so you can imagine it was mainly him beating me up. Afterwards it suddenly hit him how far he had taking the play fight and he broke down in tears and tryed to leave simply stating that he was changing into a nasty person and he couldn't be trusted, as he said at the beginging of the relationship he would never ever hurt me. Me and his friend convinced him to come back inside, and he just broke down into tears, about everything, about me, his family, his current situation, and he even admitted that he wasn't very well, which i do agree with. However i just can't make sense of this situation, hes a lovely person i love him with all my heart, and i don't think he would do something like this again, i know you hear storys all the time about how women get hurt once and there partners carry it on from there, but he doesn't seem like he would ever want to hurt me, hes also autistic and sometimes doesn't get when to stop. I just would like some others opinions on this, and it my mind he would never turn into like a full on wife beater, but i just would like some other opinions on this. Thanks for reading.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thought I’d say after a year on. I am now 16 years old. I broke up with this guy about 7-8 months ago after he started taking drugs. I was with him for 9 months in total. After this incident, we broke up and got back together. And yanno I really wish it was just the testosterone, but no it wasn't. To further incidents occurred, one in which he tried to leave my house with my possessions, when I attempted to get them back I was restrained on my sofa by him. He then raised a hand to my mother, and after that was banned from my house. Are arguments got worse, he would be threatening and emotionally abusive, he looked like he would hit me a lot and regularly lashed out. Another incident happened where he turned up at my friend’s party and took me home. He lashed out for no reason, no reason at all, it was because he hated me having freedom. He picked me up and chucked me on the ground in anger and tried to make a cover story saying I had went to walk in front of a lorry due to me being drunk, which I can remember I did not do. After we broke up, the phone calls started, threatening to hurt me and my family, and to put bricks through my windows and beat me. He then turned up at my house one night saying he was going to stab my new boyfriend, and he had a selection of homemade sharp tools on him. He then tried to blame an assault on me of which he lost an eye, when all along he knew who was responsible for it. Then the big incident came. I was in town with a friend, and this was completely un-provoked. He started to attack my friend, I tried to get in the way, to which I was punched in the face by him, and kneed and punched in the stomach. He was giving a caution for assault and since then has mocked me in my town center and phoned me once. I wanted to reply to this to try and show others that no matter what the age or gender, you get out straight away. I guess some of you were right.
A
female
reader, curious1987  +, writes (20 August 2012):
 You have to leave now. all domestic violence cases start the same way, it shouldn't happen again. Im sorry. but saying 'i love you', then when he knows he has you back it - then it will happen again, until it happens daily. leave now while you are young with help to get out and away
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (20 August 2012):
 Note to self, next time to invite him to play fight and clearly once he starts punching you don't keep carrying on out of curiousity because you're just as sick as he is. You could have stopped it and you didn't you just kept going so I'm thinking you kind of got what you deserved because you kept egging him on. Now you're wondering if he's violent? Well duh, clearly he can go a bit overboard and you got a taste of what that's like. Next time you might not be so lucky. You need to leave this guy alone and by all means if you insist on havin a relationship with this ticking time bomb by all means don't be antagonistic.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat  +, writes (20 August 2012):
 I would say that you should never put yourself into a situation that you can't handle. You were violent with him as much as he was violent with you, and holding him accountable solely for this situation is completely denying your own responsibility for it.You fully and openly admitted that you were violent with him as well. You openly admitted that instead of ending the situation as soon as it got out of control, you "kept getting up just to see whether or not he would continue" being violent with you.If he's a "wife beater" then you are a "husband beater" just as much. You are both EQUALLY accountable for this situation. If you don't want it to happen again, don't allow yourself to get carried away, and if you do, don't complain about something that you chose to carry on with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answe youwish :) it does make alot of sense what you have said,and his friend did give some of them reasons as to why he might of gone a little too far.
He btw is 16 and i am 15, and i know lately his head has been all over the place, i don't think he intentionally meant to hurt me as much as he did, and i do think he might of got abit carried away in the moment, as he is angry and upset about alot of things, and i think maybe when he got abit to into the whole fight thing he might of taking some of his anger out on me unfortunely.
I do love him, and hes always been very gentle and i don't think he would do something like this again.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 August 2012):
 No, he's not a wife beater. If he's as young as you (13-15), he's feeling his testosterone rising, and if you both started roughouseing, it's possible that he could have gotten a bit too rough with you, mix that in with some adrenaline, residual stress from what he's going through, and forgetting that he's not wrestling around with a fellow guy, and I think he just didn't calm down. Sounds like he didn't outright hurt you to be mean.
I grew up with two brothers, and when they would get rowdy and start wrestling around, I'm surprised that there wasn't broken teeth. There certainly was bruises, rug burns, punching, kicking, even a hole in the wall from someone's shoulder going through it. And none of it was mean.
I read what you wrote, and you kept on roughousing with him as well. He needs to learn that you have to be a bit more gentle with a girl than he is with a guy, and you should probably not play fight with him anymore. You're both at that age where a couple years ago, it was a pretty even fight, but puberty tends to make most intergender physical entanglements a bit unbalanced.
My thoughts is that this isn't a potential abuse case. I don't think you have anything to worry about, especially if what happened made him break down. He didn't get mad and beat you, nor did he use physical abuse as a way to get you to do what he wanted.
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A
female
reader, kimberly221 +, writes (19 August 2012):
That's very dangerous... I think you should get out of that relationship, he could really hurt you. Playing around or not, one day, unfortunately, it could get so much worse & out of hand. Please save yourself, I'm serious.
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