A
female
age
36-40,
*arra
writes:I am kinda in a bind here. My boyfriend got two girls pregnent before we met heres the gist of it. I met this guy online and he started coming down to see me every week. We got real close and eventually moved in together after several months. Before I moved in with him we started to date and he said before we got serious he wanted to tell me something. He had just found out a month previous to us dating the his ex girlfriends friend was pregnent with his baby. She was I guess close to 3 months along. He said he didn't want to have any secrets or hide anything from me. So he said that it was his child. He had gotten her pregnent a couple years after him and his ex had split up. Then I lived with him for a few months and his ex-girlfriend called him up and told him that she was pregnent with his baby also he kept telling me that he didn't think it was his cus she got around a lot. Thats supposed to be the reason that they broke up, was because she cheated on him. So he said he would waite till the baby was born to find out if if it was his. So now he has two supposible babys both to be born around the same time. Just last week the ex-girlfriends baby was born 3 months premature. He went down to the hospital to go see the baby. But now he is telling me that he doesn't want to get a DNA test on the baby because it suposibly looks like him.Am I wrong for wanting him to get that test to know for sure? I mean he said himself that she did get around, but he thinks its his. She said to him when she was mad that she was going to make him pay up when the baby was born. I just think that all the men she was with were dead beats and she knows that he will support it so she is saying it is his! I don't know what to do I love him but I don't want him to be paying out money that we don't have for children he don't really know if they are his! Is this wrong of me? What should I do? I have told him how I feel but it doesn't seem to matter to him cus he is going to do what he wants. Also he is going to be going to the hospital with the other girl for her to get her ultrasound. I kind of feel mad about him doing this cus why does he have to go wit her? Am I being selfish?
View related questions:
broke up, ex girlfriend, his ex, money, moved in, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 July 2008):
 Hi, Karra, what a mess your boyfriend seems to have found himself in. Has he been using condoms at all?
Anyway, you two haven't really known each other that long, from the sound of it, and you moved in together fairly soon, if it was only after a couple of months. And then you get all these surprises. He sounds like he is trying to be responsible for the children, which is good, but I have to say that past behavior is generally an indicator of future behavior. I would be a bit cautious about believing everything he told you about her cheating on him. It might be that he was cheating on her? I don't know, it just seems fishy that there are two of his babies being born around the same time. That means he was sleeping with both women about the same time and NOT using protection.
I think the fact that he's accepting both of these children as his without DNA testing should tell you a lot; that is, he's pretty sure they are his. And if they are his, then he IS financially responsible for them, and you should not begrudge the innocent babies any support they're going to need as they will be raised by single mothers. I understand your feelings, you feel that you're being shortchanged by him, and you're upset that he's still helping the women through the pregnancy.
The fact that he wants to go to the ultrasound actually sounds like he wants to see the baby on the screen, and hopefully support the mother through a lonely pregnancy.
I don't know, Karra, I think that children, innocent babies both of them, will have to come first for him, even before you. I'm sorry that you're in this position, and I'm sure you care about him deeply. But you should have a good long think about what you know about him, what YOU want in life, and whether those two are really compatible.
As the previous anon poster said, you have your whole life ahead of you; do you think you're making the best choices for your own future?
With best wishes.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): Your in a bind because your boyfriend kind of sucks.. I'm sorry to say this, but after reading your post, my initial reaction was... this is a 18-21 year old girl who has her whole life ahead of her, who seems to be a very nice, caring and dedicated person that I'm sure a lot of guys would like to have around them, wondering what to do about a guy who is irresponsible enough to get two, not one, but TWO women pregnant? Is he the same age as you or older...
I'm sure he's a very nice guy which is why you want to be with him, but seriously... do you want to deal with the emotional baggage of your boyfriend, his two babies and his two babies' mamas when you can find a nice guy who can focus his attention on you? Come on...
...............................
|
